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June 10, 2004

"Just a Normal Day"

Just a normal day.
The sun is shining. The air smells like freshly cut grass. You wonder if you haveenough change in your pocket for a soda. Warm sun feels good. Suddenly-Something breaks in you.
things sTart scrEAming fRom inSide.
Someone help me.
(ImokayitsokayitsokImokay) NOW!
But you remind yourself. That was then. This is now. Out of ----- nowhere— its back.
Warm sun. you remember the warm sun. it feels good on your face and you love the sun-you try to
r e f o c u s. Sharp Breath
I need to talk to somebody
Or I am going to die
This cant be. You feel the sun. everythings ok. Nothing is happening now. The terror was so long ago. Now you have friends and your world is right-side up again, as long as you can keep your head on straight. The sun, the sun, you chant to yourself. The sun is here and it is safe and I smell the grass.

If someone doesnt help me now I am going to kill myself.
You eye the highway. Its busy. Cars to run in front of.
Please help me I don’t know where to go!
(No… lets remember the sunshine) The warmth is going now. You try to remember the feeling of the sun on your face.
But inside you are screaming now.
Fists pound the ground. Despair. Screaming.
No remember you are fine. Warmth. Why are you going crazy? Why are you
Losing. Your. Mind.?
Losing sight of the sun. UPSIDE. DOWN .AGAIN!.
Youre going to kill youself if this screaming inside doesnt
Stop.Now!
The sun, the sun. you try to remember. It was bright.(wasnt it?)
HELP ME!
But stop this.
There is no reason.
(NO! NO! NO!)
no reason except that everything---is--- crashing--- in---on ---- you---
LET ME BE!! HELP ME!
Your fists pound.
SCREAMING
INSIDE.(How much longer can you keep it in?)
(But the sun?)
there is no sun now.
Just crying.
Just falling apart inside. Ache.
What if?
If you could feel the sun again. What if you told the truth?
Would the world cave in? Would you be abandoned? Will everyone hate you when they learn about the chaos inside your head?
Cold inside.
The
Sun
Does
Not
Exist.
But it was just a normal day. it was just a normal day. (except that there is no normal anymore. There .is. no. day. )

Posted by pilgrim at 1:24 PM | Comments (0)