Workplace Privacy
My general thought on this is that it's no one's business what's going on with your health.
I mean, your boss and co-workers are entitled to know that you're taking some time off for medical things and that there may be restrictions on what you can do when you come back, but beyond that, it's none of their business.
I came upon this way of thinking like this:
Back in May I went to the doctor and was told that I had fibroids and that my uterus was the size of a 16 week pregnancy. My doctor was a little concerned that my uterus was also a bit misshapen and she couldn't palpate either of my ovaries. So she sent me off to have an ultrasound.
I arrived at the office a little late and though I was uncomfortable for the rest of the day, I didn't tell anyone where I'd been or what had been going on. Later in the afternoon someone came to my office and said that there was a surprise going away party for one of the other fellows who works on the floor. I didn't know him well, he was a couple of years older than me and worked for a different division but we always said hello in the copy room. He was going on medical leave because he'd been diagnosed with metasticized prostate cancer and was going to have surgery and then chemo and/or radiation.
It was the worst party I have ever been to. It was a surprise party, first of all. How do you give someone a surprise party the day before they go in for cancer surgery? And it was the worst cake I have ever had in my life, cloyingly sweet yellow cake with white frosting and peaches in the middle. I ate it, to be polite, but after my morning of being probed and made to hold a half a gallon of water in my bladder and now bleeding for some reason, I was really in no mood. To top it off, the conversation drifted into the area of his procedure and his fears about never waking up from surgery and the thoughts of all the things that could go wrong.
So, when my time came around to tell my boss about the upcoming surgery and medical leave, I said nothing.
She asked me point blank and I said I wasn't comfortable discussing it. It wasn't life-threatening but was urgent enough that I didn't want to put it off until January which was the next time where I thought I could safely take off eight weeks (not to mention the fact that my contract is renewed each February and I didn't think it'd be a good time to be off work).
That's where I left it. We made an announcement at the staff meeting that I was taking a two month medical leave and no one has really asked me any questions.
I did tell one friend at work and she even came to visit me the week after I got out of the hospital, so they all know that I've made it through.
My point is, to reinforce that it's no one's business what goes on with you medically. I see people on the hystersister.com chat boards complain about insensitive co-workers and I have to wonder why anyone would tell someone who wasn't an intimate friend what was going on in the first place. If it's not someone I feel comfortable talking about my sex life or menstrual cycle, I'm certainly not going to tell them about my sudden infertility. I filed the appropriate forms with my HR department which are rather vague (abdominal surgery to correct uterine fibroids) but I know that information is protected by privacy rules in the company.
On the other hand, if you want or need support from your co-workers and consider them friends, talk away.
I'm actually pretty comfortable talking about my surgery after the fact, but beforehand I really didn't want anyone bringing it up. Maybe it's all part of my control issues or maybe it really is none of their business.
Any questions or feedback? Feel free to email me.
Posted by Elizabeth M. on August 25, 2004 06:10 PM
