Hi there.. I was searching things like "don't know what to do with my life" on Google and I came across your little blog. I can totally relate.. I am almost 21 and in my third year of college and it only hit me about a month ago that this IS my third year, and my mom and I can't keep paying for me to flip-flop back and forth between majors. Like I feel like I knew when I came here that I wanted to write or do journalism or something like it... Then I got distracted by a guy, for a long time, had emotional issues with the breakup, for a LONG time, tried psychology and really liked the courses but didn't really think i had a chance with a career as a therapist... Wanted to do special ed but am an emotional mess when it comes to even movies like "What's Eating Gilbert Grape.." And lately I've just regretted even coming to college because I've missed the point. I'm going for a writing degree now because at least I know it's something I'm capable of, and I'm hoping to figure out what it is I really want to do and go back to school in a few years.

Have you gone to school at all? It is okay to want to be a housewife. Some women really live for that. If your husband and potential children really make your life worth living, then working a crappy job shouldn't matter.. The little things should. My mom has worked hundreds of shitty jobs in her life yet manages to live with a smile on her face because she has her husband and 2 daughters to be grateful for.

You are still young, 24. I feel old, and I'm only 20! I got this book called "Quarterlife Crisis" about 20-somethings who are struggling with anxiety, depression, and a really lost feeling. It's worth it, for the most part... Some parts really brought me down, though.

I regret a lot of things, too. But it's all a learning experience. I learned to not devote everything to some boyfriend who might not give a crap in a few months. I learned what college is about - academically... I just had a bad focus.

I'm scared of a lot of things, too. I'm scared of trying special ed, or education in general because of dealing with parents, administration, etc.

I feel right now like I'm scrambling to find a career that I'll eventually want to pursue. I hope that someday what I really WANT to do will become more clear to me. But if it doesn't, what am I supposed to do?

I understand how lost you feel. Email me if you want to talk.

Caroline
Shankster6@aol.com

hey! i am actually in my AP pyschology class right now and i was doing a research paper on schitzoprenia and i came across your blog.
i am a junior in high school and like most teenagers we all dont know what to do with our lives either. i just wanted to let you know that you do have people supporting you with whatever decision that you choose to make.

sometimes i try to find a scape-goat to help me distract myself so that i dont hav to think about the future.

o Jly 4th 2005 my grandfather passed away. he was my best friend. i spend everyday with him because i knew that when my grandmother had passed away (4 years prior) he was lonely. and i didnt want him to get too upset and lonely and depressed so i stepped up and took the roll on of being there for him everyday. i would spend saturday nights with him and the wake up in the morning and go to church with him.

basically what im getting at is the fact that once he died i thought that there was ntothing for me to do ne more and i didnt know what to do with my life. :-( but regardless of the Bipolar disorder and Depression that i was diagnossed with.. i stepped up and took advntage of my life.

you shouldnt be scared of loosing your husband.. if he ever does leave you then you need to have enough self confidence and courage to know deep down that you are going to be able to have a better life without him and that you will be able tobe happy agian.

dont worry... some of this may not of mad sence but i tried. at least you know that people are here for you.

have a wonderful day and i hope you email me back.

hey! i am actually in my AP pyschology class right now and i was doing a research paper on schitzoprenia and i came across your blog.
i am a junior in high school and like most teenagers we all dont know what to do with our lives either. i just wanted to let you know that you do have people supporting you with whatever decision that you choose to make.

sometimes i try to find a scape-goat to help me distract myself so that i dont hav to think about the future.

o Jly 4th 2005 my grandfather passed away. he was my best friend. i spend everyday with him because i knew that when my grandmother had passed away (4 years prior) he was lonely. and i didnt want him to get too upset and lonely and depressed so i stepped up and took the roll on of being there for him everyday. i would spend saturday nights with him and the wake up in the morning and go to church with him.

basically what im getting at is the fact that once he died i thought that there was ntothing for me to do ne more and i didnt know what to do with my life. :-( but regardless of the Bipolar disorder and Depression that i was diagnossed with.. i stepped up and took advntage of my life.

you shouldnt be scared of loosing your husband.. if he ever does leave you then you need to have enough self confidence and courage to know deep down that you are going to be able to have a better life without him and that you will be able tobe happy agian.

dont worry... some of this may not of mad sence but i tried. at least you know that people are here for you.

have a wonderful day and i hope you email me back.

hey! i am actually in my AP pyschology class right now and i was doing a research paper on schitzoprenia and i came across your blog.
i am a junior in high school and like most teenagers we all dont know what to do with our lives either. i just wanted to let you know that you do have people supporting you with whatever decision that you choose to make.

sometimes i try to find a scape-goat to help me distract myself so that i dont hav to think about the future.

o Jly 4th 2005 my grandfather passed away. he was my best friend. i spend everyday with him because i knew that when my grandmother had passed away (4 years prior) he was lonely. and i didnt want him to get too upset and lonely and depressed so i stepped up and took the roll on of being there for him everyday. i would spend saturday nights with him and the wake up in the morning and go to church with him.

basically what im getting at is the fact that once he died i thought that there was ntothing for me to do ne more and i didnt know what to do with my life. :-( but regardless of the Bipolar disorder and Depression that i was diagnossed with.. i stepped up and took advntage of my life.

you shouldnt be scared of loosing your husband.. if he ever does leave you then you need to have enough self confidence and courage to know deep down that you are going to be able to have a better life without him and that you will be able tobe happy agian.

dont worry... some of this may not of mad sence but i tried. at least you know that people are here for you.

have a wonderful day and i hope you email me back.

Hi, I hope you get this.

I understand. I'm been schizophrenic for 10 years now.

I've had the worst of it these last 10 months. I even bought stuff to suffocate myself but couldn't go through with it.

I decided to fight. You know how the voices say you can do this through plessure or pain?

Well the last years I had chosed plesure as I hate pain, but decided to pick pain this time. It lasted about 6 months but my voices say they respect me now.

I also held my ground. No drugs, no breaking laws, no speeding. a real fuddy duddy.

They hate that. Also, they kept threatening death.

I did it anyways and survived!

REALLY SCARY THOUGH. I'M CONVICED THEY HAVE RULES THEY CAN NOT HARM US. JUST SCARE THE LIVING SHIT OUT OF US.

STAY STRONG. IF WANT THEM TO LEAVE YOU HAVE TO STAY STRONG.

DON'T SPREAD YOUR LEGS WHEN YOU HAVE THE CHOICE. NO MATTER THE PAIN OR FEEL GOOD.

d
DON'T GIVE IN NO MATTER THE PAIN.

THEY RESPECT THAT. AND THINGS WILL CHANGE FOR THE BETTER OVER TIME.

DON'T CHANGE SIDES. IF THEY SAY THEY ARE SATAN, DO NOT WORSHIP THEM OR GO THAT WAY ,, THAT IS THE WORST WAY TO GO.

THEY WILL TEMPT YOU ACCORDING TO YOUR WANTS AND DESIRES, JUST SAY NO.

I KNOW IT IS SCARIER THEN HELL. SOMETIMES I THINK THIS IS HELL.

BUT IT IS NOT. WE ARE LIVING CREATURES LIKE EVERYONE ELSE.

ALSO, IF SOMEONE SAYS SOMETHING UNCOMFORTABLE TO YOU, IGNORE IT OR ASK THEM, DID YOU SAY SUCH AND SUCH. THEY NEVER REMEMBER SAYING IT.

I THINK SPIRITS CAN TELL PEOPLE TO SAY ANYTHING AND THEY DO.

YOU HAVE TO GIVE YOUR FAMILY AND FRIENDS AND STRANGERS THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT EVERY TIME.

IT'S OKAY TO GET MAD. I USED TO PUNCH THE WALL OR KICK MY CHAIR. IT SEEMED TO CALM ME DOWN.

I EVEN CUT MYSELF FROM TIME TO TIME. AT FIRST THEY WOULD BACK OFF FOR A WHILE, BUT NOW I DECIDED NOT TO DO IT AGAIN.

WHEN THEY GIVE YOU FEELINGS YOU JUST CAN'T BEAR TELL THEM TO STOP. TELL THEM YOU ARE AT THE END OF YOUR ROPE. THEY'LL THINK YOURE READY TO DO WHAT THEY SAY THEN, BUT DONT DO IT ANYWAYS.

BE JESUS LIKE TO THEM NO MATTER WHAT. IT HELPS,

BUT SOMETIMES YOUHAVE TO TELL
THEM THEY ARE TAKING YOUR FREEDOM OF CHOICE TO LIVE HOW YOU WANT TO LIVE FROM YOU AND THATS NOT FAIR, BE ANNIMENT.

STICK TO YOUR GUNS. DO WHAT YOU WANT WHEN YOU WANT.

ALSO, IF YOU'RE IN PAIN, CLEAN THE HOUSE ANYWAYS. YOU'LL FEEL BETTER. THEY RESPECT THAT

GAIN THEIR RESPECT. THEY'LL SAY THINGS THAT GAIN THEIR RESPECT BUT THEIR JUST MESSING WITH OUR MINDS. YOU KNOW WHAT GAINS RESPECT IN OUR SOCIETY AND DO ONLY THAT.

WRITE ME BACK IF YOU WANT TO.