It's 1 AM and where is your head?

Gonna get myself to sleep in the next 15 minutes. The getting at lest 8 hours of sleep is difficult for me to do since I drink too much water all day and I get up exhausted running to the bathroom! I know so stop drinking right? Well to tell you the truth now I’m addicted to ice cold water and the way it drips down the back of my throat. I feel like I’m drying out when I’m not drinking. It seems the more I drink the more dehydrated I feel, or I guess I’m just aware that I wasn’t moisturizing myself better before. This is the time I would rather hang out and write or watch a movie, or just think, but I’ve lots to do tomorrow and I can’t get it done sleeping all day. As soon as my head hits the pillow I’ll be shooting for 9am wake time. I actually feel sleepy which is amazing. The big issues I need to work on more than anything in the weightloss/health journey…

1.Moving, exercise in any way shape or form I can that is more than the day before.

2. Sleeping a normal amount for a fully functioning organism of my size and caliber!

3. Eating Breakfast! But not after 7PM.

4. Telling myself how beautiful and wonderful I am every day!

Just those four things could change my life! I want to change my life, I feel good about really wanting it!

Seeing myself as I really am is a challenge when I look through the warped eyes of my jaded past, but when I think of my future and even now I see my fingers, long, thin, lovely. I see and feel soft hair that I used to complain about all the time, I feel so grateful that God made me to be me. My essence can’t change or be taken away from me. Man it seems like I’m crying all the time these days, but how could I ever think less of me when God, Jesus loves me? How could anyone on this earth, my mother, aunt, brother, father, or anyone who looks at me for any reason to judge me matter more than God or God’s opinion of me? How do we let people think that their malicious hearts and damaged minds had a right to speak to us about anything but pure love and forgiveness? How? I am so much better than anyone’s misunderstood thoughts of me. It’s so true, “What you think of me is none of my business!” What must someone do who has no faith? How do they stand all the weight of hatred that exists in the world? Even when I allowed someone make me feel less than human, wonderful, or good enough I was buffered, lifted up if you will with the grace of the light that shines throughout the world and the darkest insecure corners of my misaligned thoughts and beliefs about me and the rest of the world. God forgive me for ever thinking such awful thoughts about myself, which led to such awful thoughts about others. God forgive me for not loving myself enough to love others as unconditionally as you constantly teach us to do daily. I’m so sorry. Whoever you are wherever you are whether you know it or not, please forgive me. Please. Oh how I forgive myself for being less than accepting and understanding and loving with myself. Let’s all forgive and open our hearts to receive all the greatness that is rightfully ours just by our hearts. The real ones, the only ones that we were given as birthrights, not the hardened encased shell we’ve woven around it. It’s time to go to bed and seek that coveted 8hour slumber of rejuvenation.

Fly like a bird

Take to the sky

I need You now Lord

Carry me high

Don’t let the world break me tonight

I need the strength of You by my side

Sometimes this life can be so cold

I pray You’ll come and carry me home**

“Weeping may endure for a night but joy comes in the morning…. Trust God.”

**From the “Fly like a Bird” by Mariah Carey on the Emancipation of Mimi CD.

Posted by ijellorca on July 15, 2007 12:38 AM | DIGG | del.icio.us | furl

1. Posted by Katie on July 15, 2007

2. Posted by mr. drug treatmemt on July 18, 2007