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July 24, 2007

"FAT ASS!"

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Blood Pressure: 152/83 Pulse: 74

When I was taking the garbage out this morning a person in a passing car yelled "FAT ASS" while my back was turned to the street. I have to really journal that, I haven't niched my feelings on it yet. It's moving around from humiliation to embarrassment to indignation to anger to complete dejection. Afterall, my butt is fat, I'm the cause of it, but what is the purpose of yelling such a thing at someone? Is it to be cruel to a stranger? And why? Why would I let such an insignificant person with obvious lower levels of intelligence affect me? He doesn't know me. I've done nothing to him. The fact I'm working actively on getting healthy means nothing, losing 23lbs means nothing. This should mean nothing to me. I'm just not sure yet and I'm wondering how this may or may not affect my day. I wonder if I really, I mean really understood what it would be like as person weighing more than 550 lbs if I would have actually behaved differently with my eating and behavior. To think I avoid going out in public because of my weight, and let’s see this just confirms my reasoning. I am sure there are those who say I shouldn’t let these kinds of comments affect me, but it is really difficult. I would think if I had the kind of tough exterior that could weather such comments I probably wouldn’t have used food as an emotional crutch for my feelings of inadequacy. The world won’t change just for me and why shouldn’t I be any different from any other fat/obese person on earth? After all we asked for this kind of treatment by being out of control and eating boxes and boxes of Twinkies right? Wrong! It’s just wrong in my head. Where’s our humanity and compassion for those less fortunate than us, whether that fortune be physical, mental, social, or financial? I am ashamed of my brothers and sisters on this earth for their continued persecution of those less fortunate by whatever means. I’m ashamed that before 7:00 AM there’s someone awake enough to be cruel. I suppose he’ll go to work and talk about how FAT I was. I’m the fat lady at a carnival only I ain’t laughing and I ain’t jolly. I’m just treading water to keep my head from going under with these health issues.

I’m going back to bed.

Posted by ijellorca on July 24, 2007 7:54 AM | DIGG | del.icio.us | furl

Don't give up. Really, he's not worth it. In fact, he's garbage. I don't know why people do this either. Just realize what a better person you are than him, simply because you would never considering harming someone by yelling something cruel. While it's important to be healthy, what is really important is what's on the inside of a person. You are beautiful. Don't give up.

1. Posted by Cody on July 24, 2007

John 10:10
The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.

I'm SOOO glad you are back...thrilled even...it's been a bit since i checked it you were back, and my heart leapt when i saw you were. You are amazing, and it makes me sick to think that the evil in this world would break your positive strides...don't let their lies discourage you!!

I'm reading a book right now that is awesome:
http://www.lifewaystores.com/lwstore/product.asp?isbn=1591455529

i love Beth Moore...she always reminds me whose I am - and the beauty i am created to be.

The Lord has been so good to me...and loves me above all...
and His grace IS sufficient for me.

I hope to talk to you soon!!

Nan

2. Posted by Nan on July 24, 2007

Cody and Nan, thank you for all your goodwill and encouragement are touching and inspiring! I didn't allow myself to eat emotionally or beat myself up, which I'm glad about. I drank my water and did a workout and went about my day. I took a good nap and I feel fine.

Cody you're right, calling him a name or yelling something nasty is just not my nature.

And Nan, bless you this is a perfect phrase for me to remember" "The Lord has been so good to me...and loves me above all...and His grace IS sufficient for me."

Thank you for the wonderful scripture as well. Blessings to you both for your kindness and reassurances! Ij

3. Posted by Ijellorca on July 24, 2007

I just wanted to say thank you for writing that. I had a similar experience. It takes a lot of courage to be with your thoughts after something that emotionally abusive. I admire and respect you and want you to know that. Stay strong and know that your light is shining bright and reaching out to many people.

4. Posted by livelovelife on March 11, 2008

5. Posted by livelovelife on March 11, 2008

6. Posted by livelovelife on March 11, 2008

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"FAT ASS!"

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