Depressed and sliding down.

I may need to start back here to journal, I always do better health wise when I do.

Been out of it for so long, sorry. School has become its own nightmare! I have had two instructors that literally embody some form of neurosis that has left me feeling extremely unsettled and insecure. In less than a week I leave for an Alaskan cruise with mom and sister and stress or just my mother’s typical demeanor is wreaking havoc on my sense of emotional well being. I feel all the symptoms of depression. I’m extremely tired and I don’t want to do anything, not school, not TV, not music, not friends and especially not family. All my great weight loss is gone and gained and then some more. My mother has been bugging me almost daily about having to lose weight for the cruise, if not weekly, daily! The other day she claimed it would have saved her money if I had lost weight! I think of all the people in this world I might be capable of hating it would be her. I am greatly aware of my eating to salve my emotional turmoil and personal stress right now. To make matters worse, I am moving in a month. I have to change all my information and make sure everything’s scheduled to shut down and restart at the new address. I have to pack up the entire apartment; everything has to be boxed so that the movers can move the entire place. I have to get a new bed ordered for the new place and I’m just plain tired in the head and physically. A friend is dropping by soon, but I’m going to crawl onto the couch I think, so that I can just get a nap in. I’m starting to feel that “I just don’t give a damn” feeling again. What is the difference between the people that assaulted me on the job a few years ago and my mother and her emotion, mental assaults? I still haven’t decided if I will tell her that I’ve moved yet or not. I don’t plan on giving my phone number to her, not for a while anyways.

Posted by ijellorca on May 22, 2007 5:27 PM | DIGG | del.icio.us | furl