Walk Away

I didn’t weigh today or take my BP. It’s just been a weird day. I didn’t speak to my sweetie all day but I knew he had a family thing going on tomorrow so I figured I’d talk to him tomorrow. He finally called and I didn’t say much then, wham, a gigantic yelling match ensued. I basically told him that there’s no point talking to him at night or even in the next 2 weeks. I really hate being dependent on him financially during these times, which are rare, but nonetheless happen. If I didn’t have a lease or dogs that depended on me, I’d seriously be out the door and down the road to another state to set up and just live a quiet life away from people. I love him but some of the things he said were and are inflammatory to me. First he tried to finish my point before I could say it, (The same way rude people finish sentences of people who stutter) and then he proceeded to argue that point, one I didn’t make! So I immediately raised my voice when I explained that wasn’t my point. Of course his next move was to yell at me that he didn’t need this BS. Well, that says it all. Everything degraded from there. Apparently I take too long to get to my point, and I’m always yelling. That cracks me up since the whole 20 minutes into the phone call I merely listened to him go on about gas prices and the US going to Russia for lumber due to some kind of Canadian sanctions against the US etc. My first real comment came when I tried to explain the precarious situation of Canada in regards to the US and the pissing contests our countries get involved in that affect citizens that have always been close, almost as if we were part of the same country. Still I was taking too long to make my point, which took less than 3 minutes to get cut off.

I love him, but that kind of crap translates to some kind of Male dominating oppression to me. I’m such a feminist at heart that it grates on my nerves when men do this to women. I can’t stand to see oppression on anyone or any living thing, but I guess the fact women have been oppressed in this country for so long it annoys me even more. Let’s face it; women have been oppressed all over this world forever it seems. I don’t have the same genitalia as a man, but that doesn’t make me any less intelligent. I’m feeling extremely tired again. It’s days like today that really has me longing to not exist in this world at all. It’s degrading to even try to work things out with someone who refuses to listen or hear anything. Most times I know we’ll make it, but these kinds of days I believe that I will go on without him or just disappear for real. The other option is to just stop talking to him generally and “close down” in our relationship. If I have to go there, I might as well just walk away. I really do want to walk away from life.

Posted by ijellorca on October 13, 2006 9:57 PM | DIGG | del.icio.us | furl