Emotional windfall

I started watching shows and movies regarding 9/11 and cried myself to sleep finally. I didn’t think I’d actually get to sleep because my mind was firing all over the place. I didn’t’ feel anger, I didn’t feel despair. I felt saddened that there is no healing of the conflict between our nations, because without healing there can be no cessation of the senseless killing. The hatred that is steamrolling all over the world by these minute factions touching and maiming but not killing or repressing our spirits and our determinations across the world to rise above the misguided manifestations of evil, angry hearts. I don’t believe there is any one race, or religion that supports these factions of hatred, there is just evil. I hold dark forces, which exude the desire to harm, responsible by using any vessel that would be used either knowingly or unknowingly. I don’t always agree with the policies of my country and I don’t always see eye to eye with the elected powers that be, but I’m proud. I’m proud to be American in a land that’s so free, we have put the freedoms of this maverick world above the urge to make everyone in this nation see every thing the way we do. It’s this very freedom that allowed those evil factions the ability to cut at our way of life and us, but they only strengthened our immunity to their resolve to damage us. We’ll go down fighting just like the brave members of Flight United Airlines 93. We will never give in to cowering in fear because that’s not American. We are the nation that stood up to our founding British Monarchy, we stopped the ills of slavery, and we are a nation of bouncers! We will forever bounce back from every hit or slight that comes our way. We are not perfect, we’re American, and just like “Old Glory” we still stand!

I didn’t mean to head there today; I just can’t help it. I really feel like eating a cookie, or a cake or a whole danged pot of pasta. I’m seriously emotional but it’s fasting start day. I’ve got fruit and fruit juice for back up, but that’s not usually what I use to comfort me. I wish I had a big pan of macaroni and cheese but nothing here to even throw together such a thing. I feel my mind racing for foods to incite me to eat, but I’ll be strong. I can be strong. After all this is just the first day. Fruit will help clean my system and smooth away any cravings that emerge as this emotional day continues on. Today is such a painful day for so many. If I hadn’t have been brutally beaten up on my job just a month prior to 9/11 then I think I would have bounced back quicker from the pain of it all. This time of the year for me just means horror and terror and innocence lost. I’m braced every August. August I learned that people really do beat you up for nothing, then I leaned in September they beat up nations for “nothing” then I learned people died during Katrina for nothing. It’s an awful time of the year for me when it used to be my favorite time of the year. Now the thought of eating makes me sick. I wrote a poem last month that imbued my frustrations and the feelings I feel at this time of the year. The end of summer really doesn’t hold the same things for me.

End Of Summer

The last days
Of the end of summer
They slipped with terror abroad
Then left with 9-11
We focused on hating our neighbors
Which allowed anti-Semitism to grow
Another go at slaughtering civil rights
And tanned, tinged, brown people
With the bushman’s war on a word
Our focus remained elsewhere
Certainly not on our forgotten people
We let nature do our dirty work
And Katrina washed most of them away
Too late! The world was watching
So we moved people and supplies
Replacing the truth with media sensationalism
To hide our nation’s bureaucratic lies
There really is no summer
There’s just the last days

147/88 BP 59 pulse ~ Down -00 ~ Total Lost 039 ~ 377 till Goal
Foods eaten: None.

Posted by ijellorca on September 11, 2006 9:33 AM | DIGG | del.icio.us | furl

1. Posted by Shane on September 12, 2006

2. Posted by Ijellorca on September 12, 2006