The Toxins are Transuding!

This isn’t one of my favorite stages of Fasting. Your olfactory becomes hypersensitive and everything you’ve ingested in the past week seems to exit stage right every pore and portal known to womankind! Okay, okay, I’ll say mankind too, just figure I’ll come from my personal experience. I think I could shower 5 times a day and still the nose picks up everything! I can’t be quite certain it isn’t my imagination considering the way our olfactory region works. I guess it’s good I’m not around anyone. This is before acetone breath that comes from the body becoming acidotic with ketone byproducts. I know it sounds gruesome, but the truth is this phase passes as the toxins are cleared away. The worst truth is it tells me how much junk I was ingesting lately. Thank God for clear cool and clean water! Lovely clear waterfall dreaming water! My other ally!

Today I am proud of myself for hanging tough through the first 24 hours. I’ve taken to daydreaming about the smaller body and stepping on the scale with lower weights. I daydream of the days when food is just plain insignificant, and no longer a social game, activity, or “Moment” in life! All the cooking I’ve done has helped me develop my sea legs for dishes I’ve never done or the skills in making bread, but they were also the “achievements” of someone with “NO LIFE” to feel worthy in the grand scheme of not Moving when you want, and not working when you want, and not getting the business going the way I wanted, okay a long line of failures! Well, what seemed like failures to me. Living in limbo! When I finally get completely out of this “Hole” I think the air is going to be too wonderful and sweet to hold my breath anymore!

My lips are starting to dry out so I’m downing more water. Yesterday I drank a gallon easily. They say obese people are really dehydrated people. Hmm. Well that fits I guess. I’ve heard that people often mistake thirst for hunger. That may be, I used to be thirsty more than hungry but I suspect my natural cues are all kattywonkous from years and years of toxins padded on my undeserving body!

You know I cry for women who are battered, children that have been abused and the world’s hunger, mistreated annihilated and oppressed but how am I any different than those monsters metering out such heinous acts? My body has been under an onslaught of horrible treatment since I was first abused as a 4 year old, displaced aggression if I ever saw it. There are no good excuses; no excuse is ever good really. If it were then you could excuse all the serial killers, rapists, mass human exterminators because of something that happened to them in their past. How did Jesus put it? And the King will answer, “In truth I tell you, in so far as you did this to one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did it to me.” Matthew 25:40 NJB standard edit.

I really should be crying for how I treated this child of God!

I’m going to try to look to the positives and remember me, and being good to me.

Had major temptation today. I scheduled a grocery delivery and forgot I had Entenmanns’s assorted donuts! Sheesh, I guess that was one big Freudian slip eh? Chocolate glazed and Powdered staring at me innocently! I wasn’t as stone strong as I liked to become. I opened it, yes, all the way! I touched the glazed and closed it back up thinking “WHAT WOULD ONE DONUT HURT?” I got up put it and the cheese and bread into the fridge. Funny I had ice cream delivered but it didn’t bother me it was headed for the deep freeze, too much trouble to bother with. I know what’s so healthy about these items. I find that I crave them less when they’re in house. The best thing is the donuts aren’t the boss of me! I don’t even want them now and I sure as heck can’t smell them so passed that test! Yes I’m on my period and that’s definitely wreaking havoc with the cravings, but I triumphed big time with this, BIG TIME!! It’ll be nice to post ZERO foods to fitday.com again.

I’m making Mint Green Sun tea on the deck. It’s nice outside 80 degrees F. The summer’s hunting me! I’ve got to drop this weight before it comes! I know I’m going to make it. If at the end of 3 days I’m within 10 lbs of getting under the next 100 lb mark I’ll stay on the fast a few days longer. The more distance I can create weight wise from my starting weight the better I’ll feel about restarting the protein and veggies eating style. Right now I’m too fragile. I know just like any drug addict who’s able to cut through the fog to be honest with themselves that “one donut, drug, drink, screw, dollar spent, etc” whatever sinks your boat is one too many to handle when you behave addictively! More good news, I’m more than half way done with the fast! I’m sliding down the good side of the hill! I love it! Time to go Meditate!

Totals:

010 Pounds down 040 More to go

Posted by ijellorca on May 5, 2006 11:48 AM | DIGG | del.icio.us | furl