Week 2 of Lenten reflections

Lent

In a culture focused on results, we can find ourselves regularly alienated from reflection. We come to believe that reflection is akin to laziness or that it is only within the purview of philosophers, artists, and poets. So we avoid reflection, thinking it is little more than a form of luxurious leisure that we indulge in at our peril. The truth is that we are at peril when we avoid reflection, not when we engage in it. Lent invites us to reclaim reflection as a part of our life, and to find in reflection the possibility of renewal. Take time this week to stop your activity, your need to produce results, and let your mind descend into your soul to see what is growing there.

How is life massaging me and calling me to respond?

· In my work? I don’t have any official work right now. My life is telling me to “make some” to help me feel more structured. When I reflect I believe that writing is my job and I want to spiritually connect for it, but there’s something so terrifyingly naked about writing from your spirit!

· In my family? I’m on a good path with my family. I can’t say they are necessarily on a good path with me. My father wants nothing to do with me, because of an old hatred in his heart, a legacy my grandmother fostered. I just choose not to buy into that. I’m okay with his choosing not to be in my life. Most of the time I was working on keeping the relationship going and I used to allow him to affect me in a severe manner. Now his junk really is his so it doesn’t bother me. That’s just how he chooses to live his life. Most important, I am good with my behavior with my dad. I’m proud that he can’t throw me into a tailspin with his nasty attitude. Eventually we all come to the understanding that hatred solves nothing!

· In my community? In my community I’m constantly in reflection, and mostly absent really. I don’t see a place for myself in the community at this time, but that has a lot to do with the limbo of where I’m living and soon to be living and not feeling a great desire to be a part of the “Community” at this point in my life.

· In my soul? I feel that in my soul I’ve got lots of work to do on how I think about those that have severely wronged me. I haven’t retaliated for the most part, but because I haven’t resolved most of that I still get fleeting thoughts of “how I could get them back or force them to do the right thing” I’m truly ashamed of this aspect of my heart. It doesn’t fit me. It doesn’t fit my soul. I want to release these kinds of thoughts and feelings forever. I do have a main question for myself that I’m truly terrified of answering and searching my heart for the answer to:
Am I enough?

Posted by ijellorca on March 13, 2006 9:15 PM | DIGG | del.icio.us | furl