Routines...coming and going!

We become so habituated to the routines of our lives, that we can find ourselves shut off from what is new, what is challenging, what takes us to the edge, what causes our heart to thump and our breath to shorten. Lent invites us to clear the channels – open the gates – unbar the doors that keep us safe and stuck in the comfortable patterns that are so familiar. Take time this week to consider how you are closed off to new experiences and begin to crack the walls that hold you enclosed.

What patterns are keeping me bound in routines that are shutting me off from the wonder and dynamism of life?
The main pattern that keeps me locked up is feeling somewhat agoraphobic. I still leave the apartment for the occasional meeting with family or to get something for the dogs etc., but mainly I don’t feel comfortable in the world like I used to before the beatings.
I started weekly drives to the Condominium I Know I will own soon on Alki.

It’s exactly where I want to live while I’m in Seattle and I want to stay there until the day I move on to another realm. Anyways, The dogs and I pack into the car drive there sit outside the building while I envision ourselves going and coming from our home. It’s the first time I’ve done something weekly outside of counseling in several years. The best thing about breaking this routine somewhat is the fact that I took it a little bit further and signed up for a weekly spiritual study “A Course in Miracles.” Every week I’ll attend 1-1/2 hours of study in a small group at Unity. I’m excited and apprehensive, but the fact I’m going to do it impresses me about myself beyond belief! If I were still in therapy, my counselor would probably fall on the floor clutching her heart in disbelief!
The most important thing is getting out side my sequestered routine.

· In my work? N/A

· In my family? Well I used to ignore my feelings with them and resented myself for not speaking up before, but now, I say what I’m feeling and realize that how they think or live is not really my business. I don’t take they’re words or actions personally anymore. I don’t think I’m shutting myself out this way anymore.

· In my community? Definitely not interacting with it the way I used to. I used to do lots of volunteer work, but now there are too many variables to deal with all at once. I think this class will help me move further out into the community. Who knows I might actually get back to school or get a temporary job while I’m waiting for the big move.

· In my soul? The pattern of immobility and fear of the “Great Outdoors” is keeping my soul from really living! When I was younger I used to camp and hike and couldn’t wait to be outside. These days I swear I’m in the Dark of a “New Moon!” Maybe, just maybe I’m in the chrysalis phase of a beautiful magnificent butterfly with a spirit, heart, and shape to amaze the world! Spiritually that thought really lifts my heart!

Posted by ijellorca on March 5, 2006 4:44 PM | DIGG | del.icio.us | furl