Day 4 of Fast; Strange Dreams

Last night sleep was sporadic and somewhat fitful. I’d awake and daydream of my lover but then when I fell into dreams they involved all kinds of sparking electrical lights and blue-cast night with strange spiders. I was feeling rather, um let’s see, amorous! I felt horny okay. The man in the dream looked more like Christopher Lloyd from “Back to the Future.” He wasn’t really concerned about much but experiments etc. I remember wanting to make love to him and he seemed too preoccupied to notice me and there was filth everywhere! Dirty dishes, clothes, garbage just filled the place and I was afraid to touch anything. The one time he asked me to hand him something and I obliged just to get his attention something smashed gooey under my fingers, which turned out to be a spider. That’s when I began to see them moving all over everything!

After that I began to wade my way through the refuse to the door to get out, which caused him to chase me in some mournful plea not to leave him as he professed his overwhelming love for me that he was terrified of revealing. I turned back towards him and all the refuse disappeared. His face was as despondent as a puppy you had to leave at home alone. I remember kissing and embracing and waking up next to his arms, which were wrapped around me. Didn’t get to partake in the actual sex! (I hate it when the dreams leave out the good parts!) Then I woke up wondering what the heck that was all about. Missing my long distance lover no doubt.

I feel tired today. I’m sure I haven’t had enough water. I only had 2 cups yesterday and that was the first water of the fast period because my sweetie threatened me by phone, it was upsetting him all day that I hadn’t at least had the water.

This isn’t exactly how I thought the fast would go. I figured that I’d be more active. I felt energetic day 2 and moved more lithely. It’s probably the little sleep thing. My system is reacting to all kinds of things from the breakdown of stuff in my body I’m sure. This is what can be expected, I guess, of a body not in shape and doing a water fast, which mobilizes toxins more quickly. Occasionally I feel a sharp pain like a needle prick on my food or arm or somewhere. It’s instantaneous and then gone. It’s so unexpected I jerk my leg or arm. I can just imagine my little “Oompa Loompa” white cells macrophaging creepy things in my body to remove them so I can become a much more beautifully cleansed “Chocolate Factory!”

168 – 87 = 81 hours left. I’m actually really proud of myself for not giving into some of my more crazy thoughts on eating. I don’t even feel hungry but my mind keeps telling me yes “it’s all right, go have a little something!” I say it’s crazy because it’s just cravings and memories. Food does not have control over me anymore! I have to be in control of something and eating is definitely something no one else has a say in how I do it! Gaining control over my body is something I want too. I need to be the one dictating what’s going on and supporting it with exercise and healthy intakes.

It’s amazing when I drink water now I can almost feel the chill of it moving throughout my body. I assume that’s not it, but some reaction nerve wise to the intake. To take the chill off I think I’ll take a little nap before evening. I feel sleepy enough to pull it off.

Posted by ijellorca on February 2, 2006 3:02 PM | DIGG | del.icio.us | furl