We Belong Together, miss him.

Can’t seem to sleep listening to love songs thinking of my sweetie in St. Louis. I miss him and I miss the “romance and play” while he tries to hammer everything down so I can move there. He’s really such an amazing part of me I don’t know how I ever talk silly to him and give him a hard time when I really just want to caress his face and snuggle his neck. I think a part of me thinks if I’m rough on him and he leaves me then I can just confirm that he wouldn’t have stayed with me because I was fat, or didn’t have a big bank account or job. I know better, I know that he’s there despite lots of ups and downs I’ve experienced that he didn’t deserve to go through with me. He’s had enough in life that he’s had to deal with, but it would never occur to him to abandon me. Amazing how did such a person walk into my life?

At what point can you just stand up and yell I know there is a God there’d have to be to send such an incredible person into my life! After all the nightmares and hard times he still listens to my nonsense with a smile and adorable heart!

I think about my friends who just feel “all men are stupid” or that they’re fine with their dogs or children and I think what a waste of your heart and time and appreciation of self. Wonder how we can cut ourselves off from such incredible possibilities due to our experiences with inconsiderate and nasty people. It’s like the bad relationship that keeps on giving when you react to potential partners based on the old creepy ones!

Gaetano’s probably already off on his day and I haven’t been to sleep. I’m thinking of who I really am and all I really want again. Last night I was reading the book on “Building a Website,” yet I haven’t put that much detail in on “Building MY LIFE!” Go figure! Self esteem such an incredible diamond and yet so readily available if we’d just pick it up and hold it dear to ourselves!

It’s around 4AM and I can feel the sleep seeping into my body and eyes. I want to go to sleep and dream about him and having his baby and just laying across his stomach and watching TV or something nice and quiet. I have got to work out some kind of income that’s great enough for me to have him all to myself… oh the dreams!

Posted by ijellorca on December 6, 2005 4:20 AM | DIGG | del.icio.us | furl