Health Diaries » Becoming My Passion » December 2005

December 21, 2005

Bet lost… Going on day 10 of plumbing fits!

Don’t you just love it when people tell you… “Oh no! I’d never do that to you! I’ll be there for sure Monday!” Of course the first time he didn’t show up with anything the day after he supposedly shopped for the part I knew I was in ufda ufda land! Hey buddy love my dogs but fix the durn sink will ya!!!

Sigh sigh sigh!!!!

Life goes on… don’t complain, it could get worse! My bother collapsed on the bus yesterday with massive Pneumonia in both lungs. Bizarre. See what riding the city bus will get you?? I suppose that’s better than getting beaten up! Oh that’s right, that only happens when you’re DRIVING the bus!

He’ll be fine as soon as they clear up his lungs, and they think he may be out of hospital by Christmas! Boy Christmas in the hospital, I’d much prefer that to New Year’s Eve! Since he’s so respiratory compromised we’re keeping out of his hair until his lungs are clearer. I literally rested in the hospital when they found my gall bladder to be defective and had to remove it. No one really could reach me! It was simply euphoric, albeit a we bit painful. Personally I think a spa overlooking the Ocean is more to my liking, but alas that will come in time!

One more week on unemployment, still no job, but I’m confident the Universe will rise up to me my foot on the path I’m on as I step out over the edge! I’m more amazed at how calm I am. I’ve had a job/been making money since I was 12 years old. (Necessary for those with parental units that never give and are accustomed to taking!!!) Now 30 years later no immediately identifiable income is scheduled past the end of the year. I feel as if I’m diving off the highest cliff into a safe deep grotto of blue! Ahh it would be nice!

Soooo Onto day nine, ten, eleven?? Plumbing nightmares will cease as soon as I start using the broken sink until it ruins the floor and soaks the downstairs apartment! Sometimes letting things go is the best way to get things done! Wink wink!!

Posted by ijellorca at 11:55 PM | Comments (0)

December 14, 2005

Plumbing nightmares…smiling through it!

The pipe from the garbage disposal was blocked with my carrot peelings! Go figure! The New Apartment maintenance (New Management, in a really creepy way!) shows up 45 – 60 minutes later! Meanwhile water and shredded up carrot peels were soaking into the floorboards under the sink! I hate spills did I ever tell you? HATE!!! I’m using that word here! I tried to clean up but then he comes and the messes continue! Can’t use the sink! Great, good think I’d already cut up all the stew ingredients! Sigh. Love days like that they have this incredible talent of stretching their great atmosphere into the next few days as we deal with “un-get-able parts!” and “Oh I guess I’ll need one of those now” parts which is now making it a 3 day nightmare! Lovely!

I’ve had more conversation with the maintenance man than I really want to have with anyone I don’t already know and love. He’s nice enough, and loves dogs but I’m tired of having a stranger in my apartment 3 days! I hope he finishes up tomorrow, but that would be like asking for a size 6 body by my birthday, which is in February! I will continue to hope and try to get my apartment into some serious shape again. The dog hair’s at least 3 feet deep, or so it feels that way, so tomorrow my vacuum and I will start our on and off again love affair! Then maybe I can breathe again and find the spirit with God’s help to steam clean under the sink when he gets here and finishes the kitchen sink nightmare unless he’s going for a 4 day fix!

I’ve got all these cookies to bake for my sister in Iraq and for my mailman, but at the rate the kitchen’s going that’s a no go! Who knows maybe this weekend I’ll get done and she’ll get her cookies some time in the New Year! Sigh.

Anyways I’ve movies to watch and return to netflix and I’ve got more products to research, so I bid you adieu and as my grandma Cecel always said: “Don’t let your love go wrong!”

Posted by ijellorca at 9:34 PM | Comments (0)

December 6, 2005

We Belong Together, miss him.

Can’t seem to sleep listening to love songs thinking of my sweetie in St. Louis. I miss him and I miss the “romance and play” while he tries to hammer everything down so I can move there. He’s really such an amazing part of me I don’t know how I ever talk silly to him and give him a hard time when I really just want to caress his face and snuggle his neck. I think a part of me thinks if I’m rough on him and he leaves me then I can just confirm that he wouldn’t have stayed with me because I was fat, or didn’t have a big bank account or job. I know better, I know that he’s there despite lots of ups and downs I’ve experienced that he didn’t deserve to go through with me. He’s had enough in life that he’s had to deal with, but it would never occur to him to abandon me. Amazing how did such a person walk into my life?

At what point can you just stand up and yell I know there is a God there’d have to be to send such an incredible person into my life! After all the nightmares and hard times he still listens to my nonsense with a smile and adorable heart!

I think about my friends who just feel “all men are stupid” or that they’re fine with their dogs or children and I think what a waste of your heart and time and appreciation of self. Wonder how we can cut ourselves off from such incredible possibilities due to our experiences with inconsiderate and nasty people. It’s like the bad relationship that keeps on giving when you react to potential partners based on the old creepy ones!

Gaetano’s probably already off on his day and I haven’t been to sleep. I’m thinking of who I really am and all I really want again. Last night I was reading the book on “Building a Website,” yet I haven’t put that much detail in on “Building MY LIFE!” Go figure! Self esteem such an incredible diamond and yet so readily available if we’d just pick it up and hold it dear to ourselves!

It’s around 4AM and I can feel the sleep seeping into my body and eyes. I want to go to sleep and dream about him and having his baby and just laying across his stomach and watching TV or something nice and quiet. I have got to work out some kind of income that’s great enough for me to have him all to myself… oh the dreams!

Posted by ijellorca at 4:20 AM | Comments (0)

December 5, 2005

Updates, updates... Dates Up!

Hello Internet!

Well I’ve been rather focused on my writing and projects and figuring out the best manner to come up with the cash to continue in the fine style I’m accustomed to! (That’s a big laugh for those in the know! I live much simpler than ever now that the unemployment’s on its last breath.)

Thankfully I’m doing much better with my Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I’ve finally come to the conclusion that everyone isn’t out to get me, but realistically the world is a dangerous place!

After the main assault and beating I got on the job back a month before 9/11

It seems at that time of the year something uproarious and tragic happens along the same time even Katrina happened the same time of the year. I’m working on thinking of fall differently. It used to be my favorite time of the year. Still, it’s time for me to make a different reality. Who knows when I get to St. Louis maybe I’ll get pregnant then or have a baby then so I can only think the most precious thoughts about my baby instead of terror and death and pain and inhumanity. Of course at my age having a baby would definitely fit under another health diary heading!!! Maybe I’ll have to relink this to the infertility section for “older” women!! It’s definitely a fantasy of mine to have a baby by the love of my life and carry it to term and experience a healthy joyous pregnancy and labor… hahah yup I realize that’s a pipe dream, but not so much these days as even 10 years ago. All I have to do is fight of menopause, which there’s no guarantee I’m not in the peri-stages just yet anyhow.

I’m still working on consistency with journaling so I hope to make it back much sooner than before. Anyhow, more later I’m sure.

Posted by ijellorca at 11:12 AM | Comments (0)