Becoming My Passion

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November 29, 2004

Day 11 to Change

Weight: ???? Afraid to check
Food eaten: 4 cheese and ham grilled sandwiches, 1 chocolate ice cream bar, bowl tomato soup, bowl roasted chicken soup,2 soda pops, 1 pot of green tea

Exodus: Going to friends for Turkey dinner in about 5 hours, but have to stop at Mechanics for car to be looked at.

Exercise: None.

Hygiene: No shower yet


Writing: None yet

Chores: None yet

Meditation: None

It hasnt been a great couple weeks. Its been a while since I posted because Ive been caught up in, the holiday blues quite frankly.

Its been a couple weeks since Ive had a shower and even though Ive done some hand towel bathing its not the same as getting your whole body wet. Im feeling so depressed lately that I can feel myself slipping back into my hovel. I dont date tell my therapists because Im supposed to be getting better. Nothing is really going my way, but then Im so messed up that my way is probably not a good path for even me.

I started gaining weight again, I can tell by the circumference of my stomach, and the spare tired thats turning into something to fit an 18-wheeler! I was doing so good when I was posting here regularly, but right now I just want to be completely inert!

Im going to post this and one way or another get ready to get out of here, but I really just want to sleep. Im so out of control of my life!

It seems everything I do to help myself feels like an anvil that I cant push off my chest! I know everyone thinks Im better but am I? Am I really? Maybe this is one of those darknesses that come before the light!
Right now its pretty dark in here, I cant see me at all, not the real me.

Posted by ijellorca on November 29, 2004 1:11 PM | DIGG | del.icio.us | furl

comments.gif


DATE: 10/25/2004 09:52:46 AM
Hey baby,Keep writing. I really admire your ability to be honest in your blog. Aren't blogs great for that? The one place we can tell the truth. It's so good to have this place.Linda

1. Posted by Linda on February 11, 2005


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