Day 7 to Change

I was proud of myself for making it into that warehouse store because they really scare me but I was just about out of toilette tissue. I went really early so I figured I�d get the goods and get out. As I was checking out some man brushed into me from behind and I turned terrified but I didn�t scream. I started sweating and could feel myself not breathing. I tensed every muscle and bee-lined for the out door. I felt like everyone was staring at me, and the beads of sweat on my forehead. I felt sick to my stomach. I�d already felt like throwing up from the crazy traffic going to the Psychiatrist�s office. Usually when I leave my appointments I seek out greasy, creepy fast food. This time I came straight home.

Surprisingly, I didn�t throw up. Later I ate some fresh watermelon. My stomach is feeling a little queasy still but I�ve kept it down. It�s 1pm so still plenty of time to eat something but not likely to go near a food joint. I�ve balanced the checkbook and there�s nothing to play with anyways.

Last night I decided that I�ve been focusing too much on whether people will like my work or not instead of just writing. I�ve gotten myself so twisted that when people tell me they like my writing I immediately write them off as unknowledgeable. Yeah, even people with a couple degrees! I�m silly, now I see this. I have to believe in my writing, just like my self worth, to get the respect I deserve and my work deserves!

I may not have a degree, I may not have a job, I may not have children and my sweetie doesn�t even live in this state! I may not have money, a new car, new clothes or a great figure but I know who to sling a word or two! (Of course the disclaimer is that I may hate myself, and my writing by 7pm tonight but for now�) I deserve more than that ratty old retreat has to offer, but I�ll let them offer me a spot in their sessions! I have more talent in one of my fingers and my mind than most writers being published today! (hahaha, not to be too arrogant! I wish I believed this wholeheartedly, wouldn�t that be something!) Confidence. It must be as warm and toasty as an electric blanket!