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Chronological Archives (click title to read full post)

I want to Disappear
I have been depressed all day. I just do not feel appreciated, but then again I don’t appreciate myself very well either, so no surprise. I feel so oppressed right now with my life. I wish I wasn’t in...

Clarity, a Life’s Best Friend?
http://www.fitday.com/WebFit/PublicJournals.html?Owner=Fukayna Blood Pressure: 158/82 Pulse 84 Weight 518 Realizations, etc., are not very fun. It’s a hard thing to swallow knowing that you give more than you get. It’s even harder to swallow when you realize you give more...

How do I not see me...realistically?
http://www.fitday.com/WebFit/PublicJournals.html?Owner=Fukayna I totally screwed up, in my opinion a major paper in school. Even after I read it to my sweetheart he said it seemed like I lost focus. Strange isn’t it that I still got the top points...

Restarted the Daniel Fast
http://www.fitday.com/WebFit/PublicJournals.html?Owner=Fukayna Blood Pressure: 157/71 Pulse 72 Weight 518 Well, messed up my fast. Why? Donuts, available and I actually ate them to “finish them off” so that they wouldn’t get wasted. Isn’t that morally reprehensible, won’t waste some stupid...

Everytime I miss coming here...
http://www.fitday.com/WebFit/PublicJournals.html?Owner=Fukayna Blood Pressure: 156/78 Pulse 64 Weight 518 I am gone for any appreciable amount of time I end up gaining, not as much this time, but definitely back up. I have been going back down again, lots of...


http://www.fitday.com/WebFit/PublicJournals.html?Owner=PsychExperiment Blood Pressure: 138/65 Pulse 72 Weight 506 I haven’t had a Blood pressure this low in years! Wild! I didn’t weigh in today I’m going to weigh in on Sunday I think. Took it easy today, a little...

Water, My Body's Best Friend.
http://www.fitday.com/WebFit/PublicJournals.html?Owner=PsychExperiment Blood Pressure: 149/77 Pulse 72 Weight 506 Blood pressure’s trying to normalize. I’m down another 3 pounds, but barely eating, if at all. My thought process is that the more excess weight/FAT I can get off the better...

Last Scare and Push Needed!
http://www.fitday.com/WebFit/PublicJournals.html?Owner=PsychExperiment Blood Pressure: 156/82 Pulse 72 Weight 509 Neck: 18 Chest: 77.5 Upper Arm: 22 Waist: 81.5 Hips: 84.5 Thigh: 52 Calf: 24.5 Those are the digits; here's the situation. Two days ago I woke up ran upstairs for...

Anniversary feelings...PTSD remnants
It's been six years since my assaults, and I haven't been sleeping for past few weeks, other than an hour here or 2-3 hours there. Some days not at all. I feel depressed and moody. I guess it's realizing how...

Cleanse Your spirit; Lose the weight!
http://www.fitday.com/WebFit/PublicJournals.html?Owner=PsychExperiment Blood Pressure: 142/76 Pulse: 71 Wow blood pressure way down today closer to my normal Blood pressure before all the weight gain. Today I had a great start to my day. I have two main fears these days’...

Breakfast of Chamnpions
http://www.fitday.com/WebFit/PublicJournals.html?Owner=PsychExperiment Blood Pressure: 153/78 Pulse: 83 Today breakfast of champions was celery with peanut butter. I’m starting to get into this weightloss thing! How much can I lose before September 1st? I hope it’s substantial, then my hopes for...

"Human" sized Body
http://www.fitday.com/WebFit/PublicJournals.html?Owner=PsychExperiment Blood Pressure: 160/77 Pulse: 68 I almost can’t believe it; I’m down 34 lbs! I guess all that water added to better choices of food, most of the time is finally working! I still can’t seem to get...

Well, Fat “A” lost another 3 lbs
http://www.fitday.com/WebFit/PublicJournals.html?Owner=PsychExperiment Blood Pressure: 162/81 Pulse: 72 I was so excited today to see this! Not to show up the unenlightened man who called me that yesterday morning, but because last night I was so hungry between about 10 PM...

Informational Motivatons?
Is this possible? It’s just after midnight and I’m feeling hungry, and even started thinking about what to eat. Cottage cheese, hamburger, cheese sandwich, salad, ginger snap, fish stick, Soup, potato? I just couldn’t figure it out, but then the...

"FAT ASS!"
http://www.fitday.com/WebFit/PublicJournals.html?Owner=PsychExperiment Blood Pressure: 152/83 Pulse: 74 When I was taking the garbage out this morning a person in a passing car yelled "FAT ASS" while my back was turned to the street. I have to really journal that, I...

Lazy Sunday with Ice water
http://www.fitday.com/WebFit/PublicJournals.html?Owner=PsychExperiment Blood Pressure: 149/89 Pulse: 63 My blood pressure is slightly better today. I still haven’t gotten my exercise into a constant routine. I’ve gained 2 lbs, which isn’t a great thing, but I’m choosing not to panic and...

Meandering about, not much else.
http://www.fitday.com/WebFit/PublicJournals.html?Owner=PsychExperiment Blood Pressure: 154/79 Pulse: 68 Down another pound, but that’s still okay. I’m still looking to get more off before the first of August. Tomorrow I’ll have a salad for sure and a baked potato and maybe an...

Amazing Connections
I keep making them. Insights are abounding and I just can't describe what it's doing for my spirit. I can see myself being completely changed physically in the next six months. I am so excited for December to arrive with...

It's 1 AM and where is your head?
Gonna get myself to sleep in the next 15 minutes. The getting at lest 8 hours of sleep is difficult for me to do since I drink too much water all day and I get up exhausted running to the...

Lazy Day Saturday
http://www.fitday.com/WebFit/PublicJournals.html?Owner=PsychExperiment Blood Pressure: 000/00 Pulse: 00 Watched a little TV, studied a little, slept a little. I cleaned up the kitchen and did laundry. Not much else. Funny though, it feels right for the first time in a long...

Working through it all
http://www.fitday.com/WebFit/PublicJournals.html?Owner=PsychExperiment Blood Pressure: 000/00 Pulse: 00 Didn’t get the BP readings today, maybe tomorrow. Felt sick all day, after a few trips to the restroom, I’m not as nauseous; it’s either hormones or toxic by products as the weight...

Changes I can live with!
I know it’s been a couple months, but things have been spectacularly wild. I finally found some tranquility though. I am in the new place. The move was awful, but I’m through it. There are boxes everywhere, class has started...

Packed and Pooped!
Thanks to space bags, I was able to get even a pillow packed. My entire luggage fit into a carry on backpack and one larger roll on. Instead of checking my luggage on board I’ll carry it to the cabin...

Just leave me alone!
Today the neighbor popped in complaining about her seriously sick demeaning relationship. I listened even though I wasn’t feeling so well. The stress levels in my system are causing my menses to be perpetual with lots of clots. It’s creepy...

Depressed and sliding down.
I may need to start back here to journal, I always do better health wise when I do. Been out of it for so long, sorry. School has become its own nightmare! I have had two instructors that literally embody...

Daniel Fast Rules
I thought I would be doing the fast on salad and popcorn and protein shakes, but it’s come to me spiritually to do the fast on water. I have a few major issues to get revelation from so I’ll cleanse...

Protein Shake Down Salad Days
I’m trying to get myself to think about food as fuel instead of comfort! If I can hold my own as far as replacing a few meals with a protein shake or a head of Romaine lettuce then I’ll be...

The Cookie Monster
Visited me today. I was clearly feeling stressed. Boy I keep finding myself doing little sabotaging things. I know I want my weight to go back down so I’m thinking that doing a Daniel Fast that involves salad, popcorn and...

When Weight loss Goals Go Wrong
My weight has gone up 3 lbs! Well there’s a response to a stressful week where I obviously ate a few too many chocolate treats for that time of the month. Before now I never had cravings during my period,...

I’m coming along!
I am thankful to God for this, and let me have staying power in my healthy and spiritual pursuits! AMEN! I’ve included the link to Fitday which lists my eating for the day etc. http://www.fitday.com/WebFit/PublicJournals.html?Owner=130lbSt%2ELouisNow 143/64 BP 95 pulse...

New Starts, New Year, New Me!
I’ve decided to do the weightloss this year in steps. This way, I hope to maintain weight loss by feeling more accomplished with smaller steps. I’ll try to post my Blood Pressure every day as well as check in with...

Turning around at the crossroads
I haven’t weighed in for a couple weeks now. Just don’t feel up to the disappointments lately. I’ve been drinking water all day I’ve had 64 oz already. Had some baked cabbage and potato with Italian sausage. It was just...

Nothing
The scale says I’m up 11 pounds; I’m too depressed to even bother checking the danged thing’s accuracy. How I could gain that much in a week is beyond me. I just can’t eat anything! I’m on water. I will...

Lower Blood Pressure
Yippee for this! It’s been a while since I’ve actually skirted the high point of normal range. Still nothing to eat and it’s been 34 hours since I ate something and my stomach is going through the empty gut...

20 rep sets of crunches
I didn’t weigh in today but I’m listing the weight from a couple of days ago. I was up a couple pounds. I didn’t eat today, I’m feeling hungry right now, but that will pass. I was thinking, “ooh pizza...

Me under stress
Been gone a bit. Working on things around here with the uprising against my apartment complex. At this point there’s attorneys involved, the city’s come out several times (they were no help.) Still, I’m preparing to get out of here...

Personal weightloss Plan
Been gone a few days, but have been trying to gain some structure with the eating. Today I’ve been just about on the money. Just about! The main thing that helps me is convenience. I’m still thinking Protein and...

Tailspins: Lashing Out!
No numbers today, mental issues. Yesterday I just sat in my boarded up prison with no lights until long into the evening. I’m angry and want to vent it physically but that kind of hatred just lays me low....

Triumph, Tribute, Tears
Triumph-Last night I felt extremely hungry starting at about 10:30. I was busy writing but I’d finally convinced myself I was going to eat something. Of course there was candy, hello, Halloween! I have ice cream, sherbet, and protein shakes,...

HalloWell Halloween!
Started the day with strong coffee and fresh baked cinnamon rolls. It’s Halloween and beautiful outside. We had a strong frost and the sun came out and shined everything up right. I thought I’d start the fast early but really...

November arriving beautifully!
November sounds like a great day to start something. I took a picture today and I’ll try to do this daily or weekly. I’m not sure how I’ll get myself to do this consistently. I don’t even journal daily. I’m...

Child’s Play?
Sometimes, I feel like I’m waking up for the first time in my life! I’m learning things that most people figure out as children or teenagers! Wild. Yesterday I left some refrigerator pie dough out of the freezer after...

It's trickling off again; still no fast in sight.
Well, moving along almost standing still. I’m down 2 lbs and food’s not really being planned out very well. I’ve had coffee every morning this week, which is unusual for me. I usually only drink coffee once or twice a...

Sleep Dreaming all day
I picked up my frozen veggies and was going to make fried green tomatoes today, but just couldn’t seem to exit the “funk” I’ve been in. I’m feeling exceedingly more tired each day. Amazingly I still don’t even want...

Walk Away
I didn’t weigh today or take my BP. It’s just been a weird day. I didn’t speak to my sweetie all day but I knew he had a family thing going on tomorrow so I figured I’d talk to him...

Things are looking up
I haven’t gained any weight, not even a ½ pound! That’s great news I’ll tell you. I’d hate to have to start the Daniel fast even higher! I’m really looking forward to the fast more now. My sweetheart just...

Can’t Fight the Funk, it seems.
The chocolate cravings aren’t going away as easily as I’d hoped. Thank God Salad still remains high in my cravings. There’s no doubt about it now I’m going to have to do a Daniel fast I’m completely out of...

Definitely time for a Daniel Fast
I’m sure not off to the big start I’d hoped for, but then again I did have another piece of chocolate today, small, but still chocolate. If I have to have it for some reason it’s going to be small....

Feeling Hungry for sure!
The stress Never ends, and therefore niether does my hunger it seems. Oh well. I did have a chocolate bar. I'm more than a little amused about why chocolate's tipping my senses lately. I was going to eat lasagne tonight...

Batteries aren’t always a girl’s best friend!
Just realized the batteries weren’t reading right on my scale. So with new batteries and weight checks, the scale gave me a wrong reading. I’m up 17 lbs! I guess that Period related chocolate urge (something I’ve never really...

Missing In Action again..
Oh my goodness! Well where have I been? Gaining weight that’s for sure! When I don’t post to myself I gain! Thank Goodness it’s not the whole amount, still it’s like slipping down a steep hill and realizing you’re starting...

Bang Up Weekend
Headed to Sam’s early to get some Romaine lettuce and veggies. A huge plum sized rock (Boulder!) spit out by some semi on the opposite direction Interstate hit my windshield, which now must be completely replaced! I was very shaken....

Weightloss Planning
What a difference a full night’s slumber makes. I got up and got busy. Now I’ve got coffee in hand and I’m starting my working day, even have 2 loads of laundry going, cleaned up the kitchen and got the...

Flailing unproductive as sleep plays hide and seek
I’ve got to get off of this emotional roller coaster. I’ve already gained one pound! I’m trying to brace myself to keep myself from wigging completely out. I’m still sore from the fall, and bruised. You wish you could...

Still chasing my magic carpet
Today they’ve been hammering and banging and ripping siding off the walls all over the apartment. Since I’m on the end that means 3 walls along with roof stomping! A neighbor who’s dog plays with mine came by with...

Unplanned Silence; it's been such a lovely day, NOT.
Talking to my mom about a cousin who died last night (more joy.) and the phone goes dead. just dead. Why? Who knows. about 2 hours later my mom shows up on my doorstep terrified something weird had happened to...

Rainy days and Mondays always knock me down!
Worked all weekend, even though I didn’t plan on it. Now that I’ve switched gears towards finding a publisher, I’ve been crazy about rechecking things. That led to some more rewrites and blah, blah, blah, the weekend was over as...

I’m Finished!!! Woo hoo!
I’m Finished!!! Woo hoo! The poetry book is finished. Now I can start the hungry hunt for willing publishers. I look forward to sending off queries galore! Eating wasn’t stellar today, but I’ve been working from morning to night on...

Oh well, part 4
Yesterday: 156/90 BP 72 pulse ~ Down -.0.05 ~ Total Lost 039 ~ 377 till Goal Foods Eaten: Tomato juice Peanut butter crackers Today: 148/91 BP 70 pulse ~ Down ~.03 ~Total Lost 042 ~ 374 Till Goal Foods Eaten:...

Part 3, hope I can get whole post in
I did 20 crunches today but used my upper abdomen. They were difficult! My belly needs lots of work so I really need to do abs work high, low, middle and sides! I’m trying to simplify things so that I’ll...

Part 2 ?
I’ve been awake since early morning listening to the rain, traffic and dogs sleeping. It’s a strange twilight time that feels comforting and lonely all at the same time. It’s been quite a while since it rained in this “Liquid...

Doing Dip day
Going to have to break my post a couple parts for some reason not taking everything But I’m plodding along slowly, slowly, but surely. Had 2 Tomato Juice boxes yesterday before I took my BP and my diastolic reading was...

Alone with my thoughts
Yesterday was tough, didn’t fast really. I broke down ate a peach and followed up the day with Triscuit crackers. Okay, whole grain, but not a water or fruit fast. Emotional eaters probably shouldn’t start anything on traumatic days....

Emotional windfall
I started watching shows and movies regarding 9/11 and cried myself to sleep finally. I didn’t think I’d actually get to sleep because my mind was firing all over the place. I didn’t’ feel anger, I didn’t feel despair....

Trying to get that old feeling…routine.
I have to remember again to take my BP and post my weigh-in. I’m trying to cut way back so that I can get another fast started. My neighbor just completed a ten-day fast following a book I believe his...

Finally I’m back! Sheesh!
Bought a new Monitor 2 months ago, it stopped working exactly 30days later! Contacted the manufacturer and they vowed a 48 hour replacement. Well a 4 days later I called and got the “It will be shipped out within...

Good for me, literally.
I called my friend tonight and she was in the middle of a workout and said she'd call me back. I thought: what a great excuse to do an evening (And second) workout! It felt great actually even though I...

Lemonade lazy day!
Okay, back on track, somewhat. I’m thinking about a set eating plan. Normally I don’t like to do such things, makes me feel too imprisoned. We’ll see. I feel this strong desire to use the food here in the apartment....

Plod, plod, plodding along…
Well down a pound, it’s the right direction that’s for sure and if nothing else that gives me hope. I had oatmeal this morning. I wonder if that’s what’s got the blood pressure way down. Who knows, still haven’t...

Just didn't want to face it!
But alas, I did. The scales have not gone down still holding pat as the same weigh in from 4-5 days ago as things got crazy around here. Even the Sunday Movie and lunch got screwy when I stepped back...

Stress, Stress, eat oh no!
Well, so it goes lunch date was a disaster in so many ways stress wise that there’s no point listing it all. I wanted a drink, but my friend’s a teetotaler so I ate not what I planned! Note...

Week's falling apart!
Didn't get my exercise in yesterday and today was another "too many things to handle" day. Not a good excuse, none ever are. I've just been distracted with too much research and information and working out plans etc. I finally...

“MOre”
Thought for sure I’d lose a couple pounds, but I’ll work with this. Morning meal: carrots and green grapes. No Dressing. I know this means more water and more exercise it’s the only thing I can come up with....

Lost Sunday
Didn’t exercise, didn’t post, forgot to take blood pressure, oh well. I’ll at least post my eating Yellow, orange, green bell peppers, mushroom, onion, garlic risotto (Turned out great!) I’ve got this dish down for sure! Vanilla Bean ice...

Ah the Dawn of a better feeling day & 20 lbs Lost!
Today I feel so much better, energetic, no intestinal misgivings, and the stomach seems happy. I’m drinking a protein shake (made with water not milk so a mere 200 calories yea!) Blood pressure still hanging higher than I want...

Abdomen upsets Day two
Right now water is all my stomach seems to be able to bear. My blood pressure’s way up and I’m down a pound. No doubt it’s just water weight, but then most times when you’re as heavy as me...

Intestinal Discomfort
I must have picked up some kind of bug somewhere, possibly when I made the chicken a couple days ago. I haven't been able to eat anything today. This is going to throw my weight loss off. Sigh, it's so...

Mirror-maimed
I can’t stand the way I look. I just stood there really looking at what I’ve done to my body. This has been the hardest week so far emotionally with this journey of losing weight. I feel most uncomfortable....

Feeling the Fat Day
Every morning that I weigh in I have to stand perfectly still to allow the weight to stabilize and finalize a weight. It’s a good scale that I have and believe me that’s not easy to find at my...

That There's Good Med'cine!
I didn’t think I’d post again tonight but after watching the Oprah show I realized that there are a few more things to up my weight loss goals. A couple things that I believe are do-able: Work out at least...

Hot Distractions!
Well the heat hit and I was taken out as if Joe Louis threw the punch! Eating wasn’t kept track of except minimally. I’ve been drinking a lot of water and have been wilted like old lettuce! Today I had...

Grimm Fairy Tale!
I was on the right road to Great health and then let my big bad self pounce! Well I was doing really great today with protein and veggies, then I went and got a fast food treat for my dogs...

Looking back…
It’s not lost on me that I started posting here a while back with other more pressing (Under Pressure!) issues in my life. I can see my progress hasn’t been stellar, or even hmm, progress. Each day that I...

The Nuts and Bolts of Things!
My eating decisions are getting better especially with all the lovely veggies in the house. Yester I swear I was eating all day. I had started with a salad then protein shake, then veggie sandwich, then chicken breast with...

Baby steps are getting BIGGER!
That just translates to me getting smaller! Still could do better on the eating but did make some better choices. Today I put an order to Sam’s Club for veggies and salad mixings since I’m all out. I also ordered...

Not feeling full fledged motivation
I’m not out of the woods yet; I still need to do more to help myself. (To “Health” myself!) Still, I got up and worked out first, broke a sweat, took the dogs downstairs and came back and weighed...

Not the results I was looking for
What could I have done different yesterday? Drank more water and Exercised more. Today my eating wasn’t great but I got a wonderful large salad in and it was nummy! I wish I had fresh salad greens every day,...

Can do better, thank God there’s Tomorrow!
Well Blood pressure is slightly better. Eating was all over the place and not controlled like I’m hoping to get to eventually again. Weight isn’t exact because I didn’t wait for the lbs to stabilize. (impatient this morning! Who...

Down Thank God DOWN!!!
Well the scale is going down and I’m exercising. I’ve challenged myself to run up my 3 flights of stairs from now on and so far I feel pretty good doing this. I’m exercising in the morning with my...

Unconscious living
I’ve put massive weight back on. That’s it I’m back on count down. Down! Crazy, shameful and disgusting, it’s useless to say I’m unhappy. I’m almost 600lbs! Really! I’ve literally gained 46 lbs in the past 3 months or...

It’s a New Dawn, It’s a New Day It’s a New Life
It’s a New life for me and I’m feeling. . . GOOD! Okay! I lost 17 Pounds on the 3-day fast and this morning after a day with some eating (including a little ice cream and coffee!) I lost another...

Fasting 3-Day Comes to an End! Woo Hoo!
Okay it’s definitely the bile-dumping portion of things! Sheesh! Oh boy water and more water. Stomach is empty so I know it’s burning up the fat resources. I have to get to the belief that I actually can be like...

The Toxins are Transuding!
This isn’t one of my favorite stages of Fasting. Your olfactory becomes hypersensitive and everything you’ve ingested in the past week seems to exit stage right every pore and portal known to womankind! Okay, okay, I’ll say mankind too,...

Sleep the constant ally!
Well, I’ve just about made the 24 hours. I learned my lesson from yesterday’s failings and gave the dogs straight kibble. Of course they turned their noses up at it, but no matter when they get hungry they’ll eat!...

Let my Guard down, won't be Fooled, Foiled Again!
Food Foiled AGAIN Yes! At 24 hours I was foiled. What took me out? Feeding the dogs, gave them some apple stew on their food. I should have eradicated the extra nummies on their food. Today I most certainly will...

Infiltrated Dreams...Foody thoughts!
It’s almost like the last vacation the dogs and I took last year to the ocean. Sleep when you want, wake up watch Nature from the deck or take walks as you feel like it. No obligation to eat or...

8 hours into 3-Day Fast
Last night in the middle of the night I got up and vomited! Weird, it’s like my body has spoken! I never throw up unless I’ve got a bad virus. It’s going to be good to feel nothing but...

Fast Fast Fast, The Tummy's On Vacation!
3 Day Fast in the works At 10 PM tonight I begin my 3 day fast. Next week I’ll increase it if I achieve my commitment to my body. I listened today and my body said that it can no...

I Want To Listen; I Want To Hear!
I’ve prided myself on listening to other people and what’s going with them. I listened to my friends, my mom, my aunt, cousins, my brothers and sisters but what about me? I just want to be still and listen. I...

Letters to Heal "Every Kinda People"
Every Kinda People I’ve always cried my eyes out when listening to this song, why? I listened to the lyrics again and how it speaks to us all is the humbling thing. “It Takes every kind of people to make...

Sentimental Lady
That’s exactly what I am today, sentimental. Listening to the XM 70’s channel and hearing all these memories from when I was ages 7 to 17. I vacillate between tears of reflection and tears of an unfulfilled life! Amazing how...

Under WARE!
Computer nightmares! Adware, spy ware it’s all wearing on my last good nerves! Is it any wonder I eat!!! Today I made anadama bread. I only had 2 slices left so I decided to make a couple loaves. It took...

A Conscious Life, A Committed Life?
I just took a drink of a mug sitting nearby. I thought it was the coffee I just made for breakfast but it was a mug of Fresca from last night. The first thing I tasted was SWEETNESS! It really...

Pink Meditations...Pretty in Pink!
I’ve just read the Susan G Komen Foundation background information and cried my eyes out! Funny really that I’ve never really gone there. I’ve checked out “Race for the Cure” and I read information about cancer and have known of...

CREATING THE CONSCIOUSNESS THAT BIRTHS GREAT GOOD
Just started a Center for Spiritual Living (CSL) online study group. It’s a 7/8-week study called “CREATING THE CONSCIOUSNESS THAT BIRTHS GREAT GOOD” It’s wonderful at this strange crossroad of my life. I try to work on a business and...

Lenten Week 3 Reflections
Discipline is a word that hearkens back to our childhood, or to the machinations of those in our lives who want us to conform to certain behaviors or to the needed requirement for developing ‘character.’ Actually, the word is grounded...

Week 2 of Lenten reflections
Lent In a culture focused on results, we can find ourselves regularly alienated from reflection. We come to believe that reflection is akin to laziness or that it is only within the purview of philosophers, artists, and poets. So we...

Water Fast 36 day count down
I’ll be full blown into the Lenten Fast on Saturday the 11th of March. I’m not sure if my sweetie is going to be full blown into his fast but he’s pretty heavily wrapped up in work. Not working...

Routines...coming and going!
We become so habituated to the routines of our lives, that we can find ourselves shut off from what is new, what is challenging, what takes us to the edge, what causes our heart to thump and our breath to...

40 Reasons to Fast
Something to think about, 40 reasons for having a complete fast: 1. I’ll create a stronger opportunity for connecting with God on a deeper level 2. I’ll become more in tune with my own body physically and emotionally 3. It’s...

Thus begins the Lenten Season
Day 1, Ash Wednesday and I’ve found a couple great sites to assist with the journey. There are several sanctioned fasts according to Christian tradition. My sweetie is going to do one that involves one meal a day and Juices...

Almonds and Apples
8:00 AM Well today’s experiment has started. I cut up 1 apple into 7 slices and measured out 30 unsalted almonds that I roasted without any oil or spray in the oven slowly. I count out how many 2-hour increments...

Valentine This!
My sweetie is 2100 miles away and he’s sick with a cold and flu! Go figure. I can’t even take care of him and talking to him when he’s so sick isn’t a good idea. He’s too MIS-ABLE. My dear...

Fitful Nights
Don’t really know what’s behind that. So why am I drinking coffee at 11:48 PM? Good question, I rarely drink coffee period. I usually get in a cup or two once a month, yeah and I was born in Seattle,...

Boo Radley finally came out and so will I!
Today was the perfect Sunday! The dogs and I went out to the field and then we jumped into the car and headed off for a Mocha, pastry and a little drive with heads hanging out the window tails waggin!...

I am already...
I am already at goal weight. I already am a bestselling author I already have 2 beautiful healthy children with my sweetie I already live in my dream home and cabin and already have incredible memories that will sustain me...

The healthy attitude continues!
Woke up to working out and a big salad for breakfast. Had cookies to bake today but for some weird reason wanted a Fuji apple instead! I love it! After the Super bowl game I’m going to get another...

Do I feel different? Hell Yes!
I feel lighter, wiser, and extremely invested in change and the care taking of this vessel that God gave me! Last night I slept fine, there’s still a little restlessness from having an acidic state but I feel rested. Began...

5 days of Daniel fast completed
Ended the fast with a bowl of salad and then later a couple nectarines. I prayed about it and decided it was time. The next time I’m moved to fast I know I’ll be able to go further. I...

Yet Shines The Sun On A Weary Soul
Last night was one of the hardest spiritual nights of my life. The overwhelming self-doubt and self-hatred I felt last night was too much. I finished typing last post only to have my spiritual supporter best friend call me...

Basement feelings tonight
First off didn’t get to sleep so pervading tiredness is hanging on. Around 6:30 PM I just started thinking I wanted to stop the fast. Not because I’m hungry but because I just felt low and wanted something carbolicious to...

Day 4 of Fast; Strange Dreams
Last night sleep was sporadic and somewhat fitful. I’d awake and daydream of my lover but then when I fell into dreams they involved all kinds of sparking electrical lights and blue-cast night with strange spiders. I was feeling...

Need sleep! Anyone Got some?
Oh boy I’ve been waiting for that wonderful slumber since yesterday! I’m sure the fasting has got my body chemistry a little excitable. I feel the drowsy coming, I just wish it would land and NOW. I finally started drinking...

The Most Terrifying Room!
After the long Shower early this morning, I realize more about my phobic response to the bathroom. I never feel good when I come out of there. Whether it’s for a bath, wash hands, unmentionables or even cleaning it....

And the rivers ran red
So the period starts. I can’t remember if it’s on time or not, but generally when I fast the period starts. I wonder how it will manifest for the whole 7 days. When I was in high school and...

Six down 381 to go…
And I believe I’ll be able to breath in the beautiful mountain air! Sigh! 134 more hours till the end of the Daniel Fast. Last night around Midnight my stomach almost seemed to ache but I just stayed under my...

The Daniel Fast
Well today I started the “Daniel Fast” from Elmer L. Towns book: Fasting for Spiritual Break Through, a guide to nine biblical fasts. This fast is for health and physical healing (Dan. 1:12-20) when we fast for physical well-being,...

Eating issues all around!!!
So as a woman who has experienced eating issues almost her whole life I ask you why does food, eating and the not eating or the eating of it affect me so emotionally? I know deep down a few...

Give me Blue Cheese or give me Roquefort!
I’ve got to get my pictures going, I’ve been in another health spurt lately. I’m craving salads with croutons and blue cheese dressing as if it were a juicy tender properly seasoned steak! Weird! My only explanation: I’m going...

Game plan? What Plan?
Honestly sometimes it seems like one day to the next, hell, one hour to the next that my focus is shifting! If I didn’t know better I’d say I was a great candidate for ADD!! I have a friend...

I'm Free
I’m Free?? No longer on unemployment, so technically, according to State statistics I’m “employed.” Isn’t that a HOOT! Statistics are just shorthand for Journalistic tricks to get people swayed to their “view” of something. I just spent the last week...

My friend died today
My friend died today. She had a Bernie Mac hard shell attitude with his loving caring family oriented heart. She’d been fighting a major respiratory failure, which led to congested heart failure. They had started the transplant procedures for her...

Bet lost… Going on day 10 of plumbing fits!
Don’t you just love it when people tell you… “Oh no! I’d never do that to you! I’ll be there for sure Monday!” Of course the first time he didn’t show up with anything the day after he supposedly...

Plumbing nightmares…smiling through it!
The pipe from the garbage disposal was blocked with my carrot peelings! Go figure! The New Apartment maintenance (New Management, in a really creepy way!) shows up 45 – 60 minutes later! Meanwhile water and shredded up carrot peels...

We Belong Together, miss him.
Can’t seem to sleep listening to love songs thinking of my sweetie in St. Louis. I miss him and I miss the “romance and play” while he tries to hammer everything down so I can move there. He’s really such...

Updates, updates... Dates Up!
Hello Internet! Well I’ve been rather focused on my writing and projects and figuring out the best manner to come up with the cash to continue in the fine style I’m accustomed to! (That’s a big laugh for those in...

Lists...
Today the Journal wheel suggests LISTS… How appropriate now that I’m trying to workout the specifics of a product to produce! Cool. Amazing how things fall into place!!! I even realized yesterday how much this whole previously considered “fiasco” of...

I'm Excited!
While I sat here in this “no longer on L&I, applying for unemployment, no longer disabled” stupor, I thought to myself: “There’s got to be some way for me to take advantage of my NEWFOUND “healed” status and this excessive...

Re-Hydrating...
Well, I’ve been working hard on getting in meals 2-3 hours a day. It’s not easy for someone who only really likes to get in maybe one to 2 meals a day. Period’s been extremely heavy lately but then I’ve...

Floating
Well I felt simply domestic this weekend. I vacuumed and organized freezer, and then cleaned out fridge, then straightened out dining room area. Started laundry got 3 loads done. Made Zucchini bread and smothered squash on Saturday and then BaBaQ’d...

Unremarkable
I just wish everyone would leave me alone! I don’t want to talk, I don’t want to “hash it out” at least not with them. Well not with anyone. It’s like every time someone tells me what’s not fair about...

6 Feet under and going down!
Today I took my dogs to the groomer’s and I was extremely inpatient with them! I actually yelled at them before handing them over to the groomer! They probably wanted to call the SPCA on me! I went home and...

If there's a way in there's a way out??? Wow, Really?
I was watching “Starting Over” and Iyanla was speaking to a woman who realized she’s in a serious addiction hole! I’m sure this woman feels like she’s in a grave 12 feet under with less than 1 cubic inch of...

Still Updrafts and Aftershocks
I just don’t know how to “get over” something that I just believed should have been. I just knew I had that 911 Operator job, my experience dictated it, my typing skills proved it, but because I let some rude...

I wanna go home
Not passing the test for the job I was seeking due to some rude distractions and a testing proctor from hell Struck me so hard it shook my foundations in tsunamic proportions. I did better when I didn't talk about...

Getting back to normal
Saw a law and order episode today of a woman who was raped. She kept saying she wasn't going to get back to normal...This was so me, still is somewhat. I felt like she was talking from inside me when...

Day 20 (night)
Made it to 6:30pm. Had 4 bottles of water. I need to order more bottles of water. I got in 4 or 5 I can’t remember. I got in 2 sandwiches of Braunschweiger and cheese. One eaten at 11am...

Day 20 to... (morning)
Decided to try to post throughout the day in hopes to keep myself more in check. Woke up ate a few cashews (breakfast) drank water took vitamin Took kids down stairs and felt really good. I don't know if it...

Day 19 to something
Today I did okay with the workout but I was very tired and stiff when I got home. I ate a lean cuisine with about 7 oz of baked salmon. I also ate about 10 cashews. Didn’t get the...

Day 18 to who knows what
Today my dearest friend told me her mother passed away. I can so hear all the pain she’s going through dealing with family members and taking care of the nasty details of funeral homes, services, flowers, even obituary entries....

Day 17
Well after a month of absence, I will say that I’m not doing so hot. I feel incredibly low today. The Rain has been refreshing, so sick of the sun I finally closed my curtains yesterday. I’ve been thinking about...

Day 16 to Change
Day before Yesterday I officially broke my fast I had a can of smoked oysters and toasts. Then yesterday I had a chicken breast with brocoli and cheese with stir fried veggies in a dry non stick pan. I couldn't...

Day 15 to Change
Made it 48 hours fasting. Today I had food. Salad, garlic toast some rice and soup. Stomach cramped and so did intestines. I feel much better now. I've started my next fast I'll be going for 3 days this whole...

Day 14 to Change
Yesterday I raged and fasted. Here are some of my thoughts... Experiment. I have fruit and veggies and I'll try 1/2 cup of those if I start to feel like I'm starving, but otherwise I'm taking the day off from...

Day 13 to Change
Weight: No Change Food eaten: Pear, oatmeal Exodus: none planned Exercise: none so far will do abs Hygiene: Shower Writing: 3 hours Chores: None yet, planning on dishes, put away groceries(been sitting all over kitchen for almost a week -non...

Day 12 to Change
Weight: Still afraid to check, but soon Definitely by the end of the month Food eaten: So far nothing. Had two peach iced teas Exodus: Set up Aunt�s Computer/Sam�s Club it rained all day Exercise: None today so far,...

Day 11 to Change
Weight: ???? Afraid to check Food eaten: 4 cheese and ham grilled sandwiches, 1 chocolate ice cream bar, bowl tomato soup, bowl roasted chicken soup,2 soda pops, 1 pot of green tea Exodus: Going to friends for Turkey dinner in...

Day 10 to Change
Weight: Food eaten: Exodus: Exercise: Hygiene: Writing: Chores: Meditation: So far I�ve started my day with slim in six. The first 5 minutes! It�s not much but that�s just for the start of the day. I can hit resume on...

Day 9 to Change
Weight: no change Food eaten: lima bean stew/we beef and chunks of Sweet potatoes Exodus: None Exercise: none Hygiene: Shower Writing: none Chores: cleaned up some boxes in living room, emptied Dishwasher Meditation: Most of the day thinking about the...

Day 8 to Change
Weight: No change Food eaten: Ravioli, Cake, Coffee/Cream Exodus: None Exercise: Field walk with Dog Hygiene: no shower yet! Writing: none Chores: none Meditation: none It hasn�t been the best few weeks since I was here last. I�m thinking a...

Day 7 to Change
Weight: 2lbs closer to goal Food eaten: Watermelon Exodus: Psychiatrist, Costco warehouse store Exercise: None Hygiene: Brushed teeth Writing: 5 hours on story I�ll work on at writer�s retreat Chores: rearranged a corner and cleaned it up Meditation: 30 minutes...

Day 6 to change
Weight: 2lbs closer to goal weight Food eaten: Nothing today, will have watermelon and steak Exodus: FedX to mail off packages, Therapist, Dog park, Post Office Exercise: Walking, Crunches Hygiene: Shower, brushed teeth Writing: none so far Chores: Bills,...

Day 5 to Change
Weight: No Change Food eaten: Ravioli, ribs, garlic toast, garden burgers, ice cream, grape pop Exodus: mailbox Exercise: none Hygiene: Shower Writing: screenplay revisions Chores: Dishwasher load and put away twice, clean kitchen Meditation: none Watched a couple movies today...

Day 4 to Change
Weight: No change Food eaten: Coffee protein shake 1pm Exodus: None so far today, but did go to Mt. Rainier with the dog on Friday. It was lovely and comforting and so nice to get out of the apt. I...

Day 3 to Change
Weight: No change Food eaten: Nothing so far, no desire today. It�s 8pm Exodus: Downstairs with dog twice Exercise: Squats and crunches Hygiene: sponge bath too cold to get under water Writing: Further diagrammed my screenplay -ready to write...

Day 2 to Change
Weight: No change Food eaten: 3 pieces Fried Fish ~15 fries 4 hushpuppies 1-1/2 C of chowder 1 Dryer's Lemonade bar Exodus: none Exercise: None. Hygiene: Writing: none Chores: none Lost track of time yesterday and the whole day got...

Day 1 to Change
Weight: No change Food eaten: pan-fried 10 scallops 2 rolls Exodus: Just down to the front door Exercise: None. Hygiene: Shower Writing: none but emails Chores: put away groceries/cleaned toilet/fluffed couch/cooked dinner/paid 2 bills. There was a time that I...

Another shut in weekend
Well short of driving my brother home last night I didn�t venture out. I didn�t even take a shower! I felt creepy all day but I just didn�t have it in me to get in the shower. I didn�t eat...

Pathways to sacred space and thinking
Today my goals are deciding on my space, life, and designing my true happiness. I thought about my living room and the constant disarray it stays in on the fringes and realized that I�m in charge of what my living...

Beginning anew Now
Three years ago I thought I had the life... I had a few extra pounds to lose, yes, but I had a good job where I was supported and mattered. My family and friends were many and loved me just...