Main » April 2005

April 14, 2005

"I'm fine, I'll be fine." Maybe not.

I've been fighting with my boyfriend more frequently lately. He keeps telling me I need to go to the doctor. I keep telling myself that I'm fine, and I'm not really that screwed up, but he begs to differ. He thinks that I'm at the point where I absolutely do need to seek some help. I still don't believe him, but he says that just from what I tell him, I need to get help. I keep thinking that my anxiety is normal, my self-loathing is normal, my intense mood swings are normal, the hypochondriasis is normal...my depression is normal. I know that if I go, they'll just tell me that I'm experiencing life anxiety or something like that. And I don't want to just be handed a freaking pill to start taking. I'm so scared of being on medication. I don't want it to change me, I don't want side effects, I just want to feel normal. And just when I think that I am and do feel normal, something happens and I get so upset that I just scream at the top of my lungs, and then get this horrible nagging empty feeling in my stomach that won't go away. I just want it to be over.

I'm so scared.

Posted by fourrightchords at 12:53 PM | Comments (8)