Main » February 2005

February 14, 2005

Being Here...It Hurts

Being at school is such a hard thing to get through every day now. I hate everything here as well as everyone here. I walk through the halls feeling more alone than I've ever felt in my life, looking at people conversing with their friends in their little groups. I feel like I'm the only one that doesn't belong in one of those groups. I see the people that have been my friends in the past...and I don't really miss being friends with them...but I feel rather that I'm missing out on what they're doing, whether I want to do it too or not. I feel like a lot of people here are stealing my identity from me. I have my own way of dressing, my own way of thinking about things, and my own way of being who I am. When I see someone (especially someone that I used to be close with) doing something that reminds me of myself...I feel HURT and as if the one thing I have has been taken away from me. I hate this so much. I am so horribly depressed, and I feel like there's nothing here for me other than one exception--the boy whom I am in love with and loves me. So, when I'm taken out of that comfort zone, and put back somewhere where I don't belong--or somewhere that has been taken over by false advertising--I feel this horrible sense of self-hatred, severe depression, and SO SO SO lost. I am so lost. I am so lost. I am so lost. I am so lost.

I am so lost.

Posted by fourrightchords at 10:22 AM | Comments (1523)

February 8, 2005

Prison

School...
Is...

PRISON!!

No joke. It really is.

Posted by fourrightchords at 11:44 AM | Comments (1)

February 3, 2005

I just don't know.

I haven't written in a few days-- I feel like everything I write is trivial and small. I've been pretty confused and stressed out the past week. I just can't stop thinking about all these things and they're crowding my mind and my emotions and making me want to just end it. Don't worry, I won't...I don't have the guts...plus I would NEVER hurt my boyfriend like that. I just keep feeling depressed and letting everything get to me, rather than doing anything about it. It's terrible. Sometimes I just don't know what to do. I feel sort of trapped sometimes. Like, I'm in this routine and I'm never going to get out of it...and I'm just going to die without having done anything to validate myself as a person. I don't know...I'm just rambling...letting my fingers to the talking rather than anything else. Of course...sometimes I just think too much, so maybe this is a good thing. I don't know... Take care everybody. Especially you, Pilgrim. We all care about you!

Posted by fourrightchords at 11:42 AM | Comments (0)