August 03, 2004
Three weeks and counting until
Three weeks and counting until I leave for college. I'm uncharacteristically carefree, even though I'll be 400 miles from any semblance of a safety net. I really am worried that I'm not an adult yet. Of course, I'm also worried that my parents still won't let me act like an adult, let me make my own mistakes.
I sometimes think that I've never made mistakes, that thing haven't been perfect, but I've never faced any crises. Then I remember all of this, all of my 'mental illness,' and I worry even more about not being around people who know to pay attention to my wrists.
Maybe my utter lack of crisis is what caused that one to surface, a lack of an outlet for my depression.
I could pull it off too; I could cut myself in college and nobody would notice. At least, anyone who did wouldn't say anything to me. I'm good at lying, and the main thing preventing me from reentering that double life is the hassle.
Posted by Maya on August 3, 2004 08:00 PM