August 01, 2004
I feel so alone sometimes.
I feel so alone sometimes. I feel isolated from the world, restricted by rules I never asked for, when all I want to do is reach out. I want to let people know how weak I am, how much I need them, and manipulate them into caring for me, taking care of me. I'm not malevolent, I just want to love and be loved, and without a gimmick like being the most screwed up person they've ever met, it never works. I am never enough.
I feel guilty because my boyfriend isn't enough either, when he says I am enough for him. I need friendships, relationships, outside of this one. I need to drink in all the love that is available to me.
And then I punish myself with hate.
Posted by Maya on August 1, 2004 11:07 PM