August 22, 2004
I am supremely exhausted. I
I am supremely exhausted. I worked fourteen hours today babysitting two active kids, beginning at 7 am. I'm sure a lot of you go to work at that time or even earlier, but I am not set to get up at 7 am. That's the deepest part of my sleep cycle right there.
Hopefully, though, this will jolt me out of my insomnia. And at least I made good money.
I leave for college the day after tomorrow and I think the stress is going to kill me. Not to mention that I've only packed one box. My apprehension has overtaken any actual fears to become a self-sustaining entity. I'm anxious to get therw and get my family gone so I can run into a wall and be certain that not everything has changed.
I was talking to some people the other night ... okay, I was talking to myself, but I imagined I was talking to them, and realized that I hadn't written poetry in over a year. I don't write poetry as anything other than a catharsis, and never read it. Poetry is far too subjective to judge. If someone's poetry is good, then it shouldn't mean anything to me, and shouldn't be meant to, in my opinion.
And I only write poetry when I need that catharsis. I realized in my mono/dialogue that I'm about the worst off mentally that I've been in over a year, and sat down and scribbled off three poems, one right after the other. It helped, up until I fell asleep twenty minutes later and forgot all about them for the next 48 hours. And here we are.
School will be good. My dish chair will be good, and my independence will be good. Good.
Posted by Maya on August 22, 2004 12:30 AM