Health Diaries > Dissociative Identity Disorder > Butterfly Team
August 3, 2006
food journal and therapy....
started my food journal today. it involves writing down my food but also a lot of other "subjective stuff" as the nutritionist termed it. it's challenging to say the least. i'm trying so hard to be completely honest. i'm kind of going with the theory of doing the very thing that i don't want to do because that's the thing i probably need to do the most. i'm putting down things that i know only a few months ago i would not have been able to write. i hope this is somehow going to help me. i can't see it right now so i'm just trying to trust the process and that the nutritionist knows what works and what doesn't. i feel so vulnerable. even though she told me there is no right or wrong with this, i can't help but feel like i'm doing it wrong.
i saw donna tonight and i'm struggling now afterwards. i have a bad headache and i feel so little and scared. got in touch with a memory but don't feel like i went through the whole thing so it feels unfinsihed and i feel stuck in it even though i'm not fully aware of the whole thing. but i am aware of some prevailing feelings and terrified is definitely one of them! i'm feeling like this is one of those times i would just like to sit with donna on her couch and have her hold me.
we wish we felt safe.......
i think some really bad things happened to me. why does that all of a sudden seem so true even though i have said it before? it seems more real to me at this very moment. not sure why. did i not believe it before? i thought i did. maybe i didn't. not sure. but i think some really bad things happened to me. what do i do now?
Posted by Butterflyteam on August 3, 2006 8:29 PM
Maybe you really believed that before, but objectively. Maybe this new memory that's stirring will make your belief more subjective, bring you more fully into the memory so you will really accept the past and be able, then, to move past it. Being stuck in a partly processed memory is an awful feeling.I wish I could "unstuck" you.
Posted by: The Real Me at August 3, 2006 8:40 PM
