Health Diaries > Dissociative Identity Disorder > Butterfly Team

May 24, 2006

i'm angry...

i'm angry. i'm angry because they've robbed me of everything. they've robbed me of my life. my self esteem. my self confidence. my ability to feel worthy of existing. my ability to feel deserving of anything. to feel loved. to feel special. to feel joy. to feel safe. to feel secure. to trust. they've left me with nothing but self hatred and fear. I HATE THEM. i want my life back. i want myself. I can't stand it for a minute longer that i don't feel worthy of even existing. i can't stand that fear runs my life. i can't stand that they have left me feeling like i'm not even a human being but rather an object to be used and discarded. I HATE THEM. i hate that i have to fight so fucking hard to believe that i am worth anything. i hate that i can't just wake up in the morning and look forward to living. i hate that it's such an unbearable chore to simply take care of myself in lovng ways. i hate that i sometimes would rather hurt myself than feel my own feelings. i hate that i walk around every single minute of every single day feeling abandoned, alone and bad. i'm sick of hating my body and not wanting to be connected to it in any way. i hate that i feel all used up and dirty and damaged because of what they did to me. I HATE THEM.

Posted by Butterflyteam on May 24, 2006 8:11 PM

Posted by: The Real Me at May 25, 2006 5:32 PM