Health Diaries > Dissociative Identity Disorder > Butterfly Team

April 28, 2006

starting to unravel...

i feel scared. it's the kind of fear that comes when i start to get overwhlemed or uncomfortable. i feel very pressured and i'm not sure why. i do have a lot to do but it's not really that bad. i have to do progress reports for my students this weekend. it's tedious work, but manageable. and i have some other school stuff - my plan book, grading papers, and writing up a report for an annual review meeting for one of my kids in resource room. and then there's the application for fordham. i had wanted to get a rough draft done. i'm also meeting with my brother in law on sunday because he's going to help me with financial aid stuff. and i'm sooooo exhausted. and my head hurts so much.

i feel this need to do everything right; perfect. and not even DO everything perfectly, but to BE perfect. i've really been doing better with leaving those thoughts behind but at the moment, i feel them coming back. at least i think it's that. i'm not even sure. i just feel afraid and it's connected to this sense of feeling overwhelmed because i feel like no matter what i do or how i do it, it just won't be enough because i'm not enough. and when i start feeling like this, it usually just intensifies and spins out of control and i end up paralyzed by the fear and it stops me from getting ANYTHING done. i feel it starting and i'm so afraid i won't be able to get a handle on it and before i know it, it will be sunday night and i will be in a total panic and not have anything done. how am i ever going to go back to graduate school when i still have moments like this? this issue of panic and paralysis when i get overwhelmed had gotten so much better this year so why am i feeling like this now? and how do i get myself out of it?

i need help. i feel so afraid.

Posted by Butterflyteam on April 28, 2006 6:33 PM