Health Diaries > Dissociative Identity Disorder > Butterfly Team
April 03, 2006
it's ok to just...be...
it's ok to just be. i have been repeating that to myself since leaving donna's tonight. it was an interesting session and group tonight. just low key, yet, sort of intense at the same time. i'm used to absolutely needing to figure everything out and i usually can't stand when things are left up in the air and not resolved and i don't have all the answers. well, tonight, i was kind of ok with leaving everything just as it was and by all means there were many things left without answers. i was just sitting there entertaining the thought of how much less stressful it would be if i could just accept things where they were and just be. i just loved the idea. but then i got a little nervous and scared. donna thought it might be connected to a new memory. i started feeling so scared that if i just let things be - then what if something came up later on and i wasn't able to handle it and i missed the opportunity to sort it all out while i was with donna? i was losing my feelings of wanting to just be. so my "take home" of how i would take care of myself for the rest of the night was to keep repeating to myself that it is ok to just be. if i stop saying it, i lose the feeling and start to think that i need it all sorted it out. so... it's ok to just be.
yesterday was my birthday. i survived. don't really feel like saying much more than that. holly (leader of my trauma group) called me last night to see how i was doing. i really like her. we talked for almost an hour.
i'm feeling ok for the moment. i really liked my session with donna today. i'm not even sure what we talked about but it was good. we're planning to do another long session on thursday to "remember and reclaim another dissociated traumatic experience." i like the sound of that. not the traumatic experience part but the reclaiming part. i feel a little empowered and that i get to take a piece of me back that was stolen from me.
it's ok to just be.......
Posted by Butterflyteam on April 3, 2006 07:59 PM
