Health Diaries > Dissociative Identity Disorder > Butterfly Team
March 14, 2006
in between being present and not.....
i'm not sure what to write. kind of feeling weird. i'm not sure i can really describe it. i'm kind of out of it - feel detached but ok, i guess. sort of somewhere in between being present and not. i'm not sure what's really behind it. possibly some sort of "shutting down". i just.....i don't know. i don't know what to say. i wish i did. maybe if i just continue to ramble on, something might surface. i don't know. therapy yesterday was pretty good. donna was happy with the fact that i came in with so much i wanted to talk about. i felt good about it too. i guess in a way, that makes me feel more connected to her and in turn makes it harder to be away from her. so maybe that's why i'm feeling a need to shut down. i guess maybe i wish i could be seeing donna sooner than next monday. she said i could come in friday. i haven't decided one way or the other yet. i'm not sure what i want to do. i have report card conferences tomorrow and thursday. i'm not looking forward to it but the good thing is that it will keep me distracted and occupied and everything else inside of me will take a back seat.
Oh, i almost forgot. i signed up for a workshop next month with rhonda britten - one of the life coaches from the tv show starting over. i'm really excited about it. last summer i went to a workshop with the other life coach iyanla vanzant. it was so great. i just recently bought one of rhonda's books about fearless living. since fear of moving forward in my life has been such a huge issue for me, i thought her book might be helpful. her workshop is about her new book though - something to do with body image. this is of course a never ending issue with me so i am really looking forward to what she has to share about it. i absolutely love starting over. it has helped me so much in my healing. of course it's on during the day when i'm at school so i tape it everyday and usually watch the week's episodes on the weekend.
well, i guess i'll go do.........something. i have no idea what. i should probably try to go to sleep but of course, i'm not tired now when it's time for bed and i was exhausted all day!!! i hate that. i could barely keep my eyes open around 4:00 this afternoon and now it's after 10:30 and i'm wide awake. i wish i had someone to talk to.....
Posted by Butterflyteam on March 14, 2006 7:14 PM
I used to watch Starting Over at the gym all the time. I haven't seen it for months now, but really admired the life coaches and their advice. I'm glad you get to do the workshop!
Posted by: Labyrinth at March 22, 2006 10:08 PM
