Health Diaries > Dissociative Identity Disorder > Butterfly Team

February 24, 2006

marathon therapy session.....

Well.....I saw Donna - for 4 hours! My head hurts a lot right now. It was good. Well, the outcome was good but it got pretty hairy at times. At one point Donna said something that I didn't agree with and everyone inside started to react. It was similar to everything that happened the last time. I could hear everyone inisde freaking out, especially Stephanie. She seemed to be the leader of the "revolt against Donna". She was screaming at me - "how could you come back, don't you see she won't change, she is hurting us and rejecting us and abandoning us, get up and walk out, this is never going to work!" I wanted so badly to get up and bolt out of the room like last time. I couldn't believe it was happening all again. But I fought so hard to stay. I was crying so hard by this time telling Donna what I was feeling - that I felt like I needed to just get up and walk out because I didn't see how it was ever going to work but at the same time I knew that was not going to solve anything. I learned that these past 5 weeks. Walking out last time didn't get me anywhere. So, I just forced myself to sit there and work it out with her. It felt horrible for awhile because I had no idea how I was going to do what she was suggesting and especially because I disagreed. But without even realizing it, I found myself fighting for myself or as Donna said - I was really advocating for myself. Long story short, it worked out. Saying I got what I wanted isn't how I want to put it, but I guess that's kind of what happened. It has conditions on it which I was the one to come up with. I really feel this is what I need right now and is something I'm going to push myself to work on. It felt good to advocate for myself. Although I am now of course hearing all the abuser values in my head - who the hell do you think you are saying what you think and asking for what you need!

Anyway, we ended on a good note and I always feel better when I leave a session and things that were up in the air are resolved and I feel connected to Donna. My head is absolutely spinning right now. I'm so exhausted. I should go and try to sleep a little. Tomorrow I'm supposed to start a new trauma support group. Does it ever end??

Posted by Butterflyteam on February 24, 2006 9:53 PM

Posted by: Pilgrim at February 25, 2006 10:57 AM

Posted by: butterflyteam at February 26, 2006 5:26 PM