Health Diaries > Dissociative Identity Disorder > Butterfly Team
January 09, 2006
little ones and change....
everyone inside is having a hard time right now. the little ones are feeling tremendous abandonment. a few things have changed with donna and we're still trying to work it out. i started to talk to donna about it tonight but we ran out of time. i need to talk to her some more about it. it's really causing a lot of problems inside. kristy, abby, tara and samantha are really feeling insecure. some things that have brought them security and safety and routine and predictability are no longer there and to them, it's like their world has been turned upside down. it's so hard to quiet them all down. i'm so tired and wish i could just fall asleep but they are all feeling so unsettled and i will never be able to fall asleep with all the noise in my head. i feel so badly for them. i know how much safety some little things have brought to them and now it's gone. they have come such a long way learning to trust and now, well......they are very hesitant to trust anything. I don't really blame them. my trust that i have felt i've come such a long way with feels very shaky at the moment. i don't want to stop trusting but i'm just so confused and unsure. i feel the abandonment right along with the little ones. i'm scared. i think this is one of the hardest things about being abused. you don't have a stable foundation to stand on. trust and security and stability that so many people take for granted is a foreign concept to us. without that foundation it just makes everything else a million times more difficult and complicated. i'm going to try and comfort them the best i can now but i know it's not what they are looking for. i know it's me they need to trust and we were working on that but i feel like without the security we had in place, we're not going to get much accomplished. they are all too distracted and focused on what has suddenly changed. it was too abrupt for them. they don't understand. i'm not sure i do either.
Posted by Butterflyteam on January 9, 2006 08:46 PM
