Health Diaries > Dissociative Identity Disorder > Butterfly Team
October 29, 2005
one week left...
Next Sunday is the marathon. I'm not sure how i'm feeling about it. There are a lot of mixed emotions but two big ones are excitement and fear. I'm excited to experience it but I'm so scared as well. I keep thinking... What if I didn't prepare enough? What if I can't finish? What if I'm just a big fool thinking I could actually accomplish this?
At the moment I hate my family. They are all being so annoying with trying to figure out if and where they will come see me run next week. It's all such a big hassle to them and I don't feel like they're doing it because they really want to. They aren't excited at all. I really don't want any of them to come now. And I refuse to talk to them anymore about it.
I don't know why I thought someone might care and want to come see me. It would be really nice and helpful to see people there who support me and are excited for me - not people who are bothered by doing something for me. But I only have those people in my life. I don't have anyone who can come who would be there for truly the right reasons. I know I've said before that this is for me and I'm not doing it for anyone else but it still really hurts because I would really like, just for once in my life, for someone to be there for me. No one wants to come meet me when I finish. If anyone is coming, they are going to the halfway point which is the easiest spot to get to. No one wants to deal with the hassle of coming into Manhaatan. I have no idea if I'm even going to be able to walk on my own when I finish and I'm really scared about it. But no one cares. It's been the story of my life so why should it really matter now?
Other than the countdown to the marathon, I've been dealing with the month of October which is always difficult for me. The worst is Monday - Halloween. I'll just leave it at that. I can't really write about it.
Posted by Butterflyteam on October 29, 2005 12:57 PM
You can do it!!!
When I saw the title of your post and was reminded of your marathon, the 1st thing that crossed my mind was picturing you running across the finish line and me there (at the finish line) cheering you on and congratulating you. I would SOOOOO be there if I weren't thousands of miles away! This is something I would love to do for you. You have worked hard and trained hard. You are ready for this and you can do this. You can make it across the finish line. I wish I could be there next week when you cross it!!!
Posted by: Pilgrim at October 29, 2005 08:53 PM
