Health Diaries > Dissociative Identity Disorder > Butterfly Team
January 08, 2005
My Dog.......
Last night I had to put my dog, Sandy to sleep. She was old. It was time. I am so very sad. She was with me for over half my life (15 1/2 years). It's been such a long time that I don't even remember what it was like without her. I'm not sure what I will do without her. They let me stay with her until she was gone. I sat on the floor with her and held her while they gave her the shot. I kissed her and I hugged her and I told her how much I loved her and then she was gone. I'm glad she didn't have to die alone.
Some of the feelings and thoughts I'm having now are triggering some old stuff. I hate that everything is always connected to the old bad stuff. Why can't I just feel sad and miss my dog? Why does there have to be a ton of other stuff on top of that? When I brought Sandy last night I kept thinking - she has no idea where we are going or what is going to happen to her. She trusts me to take care of her and I am betraying her (even though I know I really didn't betray her - at this point, I was doing something to help her). It has brought up old feelings of going with or being with people I trusted and being so betrayed and hurt by them. These feelings are so hard to deal with. I'm not sure how to handle this.
I miss her so much. It's so quiet here. I keep looking for her. I feel so sad and so alone.
Posted by Butterflyteam on January 8, 2005 08:27 PM
I'm so sorry to hear about this. Losing a pet is one of the worst things any of us can go through. I am thinking of you tonight. Know that you didn't betray her and that she knew how much you loved her. That is the best thing we can do for our animal friends - love them the best way we can and be there for them until it's time to say goodbye. I'm sure that you did everything you could for her. Hang in there tonight, okay?
Posted by: Tracy at January 8, 2005 09:07 PM
I wish I could be there in person for you. I know 1st hand how hard it is to lose a beloved pet. I know it just hurts so much and I am just so sorry sweetie.
Posted by: Pilgrim at January 8, 2005 09:51 PM
Thank you Tracy and Pilgrim.
Posted by: butterflyteam at January 9, 2005 04:21 PM
