Health Diaries > Dissociative Identity Disorder > Butterfly Team

November 28, 2004

pain that is so raw.....

I'm feeling pain that is so raw and so deep. For the past two or three days I have been in such a fog. I am aware that I am in the present (2004) but my feelings are in the past. And the feelings are so real, so raw, so intense, so painful. I feel tremendous sadness. I feel tremendous loss. I feel tremendous loneliness. I feel tremendous despair. I feel tremendous hopelessness. I have to go to work tomorrow and I am thinking to myself - how can I possibly work when I am feeling like this. I feel like I can't even put one foot in front of the other, nonetheless attend to the needs of 30 nine year olds. I don't feel like seeing people - not the children, not the other teachers. I just want to be by myself. I am overwhelmed by the thought that there is absolutely nothing that can heal these deep, painful wounds of mine. The wounds of all the hurt children inside of me. I have work that I should be doing right now but all I want is to go to bed. But truthfully, going to bed right now frightens me so much.

Posted by Butterflyteam on November 28, 2004 10:04 PM