Health Diaries > Dissociative Identity Disorder > Butterfly Team

October 9, 2004

blah and confused.....

I've been feeling so.......blah. Depressed. Unmotivated. I could spend hours laying in bed staring at the wall. It wouldn't phase me. I feel like I don't care about anything. I have been having a lot of images of Tara and I guess this is my way of trying to avoid it. Maybe that's it........or maybe not. I don't know.

I'm having a hard time judging reality. They're not really flashbacks but something like it, I guess. I will be so convinced that it is the year 1981 and I am 6 years old. I'm scared and alone and hurt. Then I'll "come to" and all of a sudden realize that what I was just "experiencing" wasn't really happening now. It was many years ago. And I'll be so confused because it was so real. I would have bet anything that I was really 6 years old. And then before I know it, I'm back there and convinced of it all over again until I snap out of it again. And this has been happening over and over again. I almost prefer full blown flashbacks because at least when they are over, thery're over. I'm back to "now". With these other "whatever they're called", it's a constant back and forth and it's leaves me so disoriented.

I wish I could see Donna right now. I just wish I could be with someone who makes me feel safe.

Posted by Butterflyteam on October 9, 2004 5:57 PM