Handcuffed to the Roller Coaster > November 2004 Archives
November 22, 2004
Physical Injury and Psychology
It doesn't take much to make you depressed. I sprained my ankle good yesterday, and I'm sitting here in a splint with a pair of crutches. I'm supposed to go to my new job tomorrow and get my uniforms and job assignment, and I can barely hobble.
Of course, the first thing that leapt into my mind is, they'll probably decide to fire me because I can't work. It's surprising, how quickly your bipolar mind takes over and foresees the worst possible outcome for any event. I had to spend several minutes arguing with myself, telling my silly mind that of course, they wouldn't fire me on account of an accident, since I'd be back on my feet within a week.
That's the way of it with bipolar. It takes the bad and instantly makes it worst. If there's something bad that can happen, your bipolar mind runs with it. David Burns calls this "fortune telling" in his excellent book "Feeling Good".
Well, I'm off to take more aspirin for my aching ankle. I'm feeling better now than I was yesterday, and able to walk a little better. I should be okay by tomorrow. It's only a sprain. It's not the end of the world.
Posted by Susan at 5:52 PM
November 13, 2004
Too Busy to be Depressed
I'm just being careful not to get overamped recently. I've been going to school, and looking for a job. There is nothing harder for a bipolar, I've decided, than job-hunting. It's hard enough for a normal person to face all that rejection and grueling interviewing, but when you tend towards depression, it's even worse. You have to present a pleasant, self-confident attitude, be able to focus on your best points, and not undercut yourself during the interview, and at the same time, not get TOO high and start going manic on the poor interviewer.
Well, I got a job. The interviewer liked my resume, and hired me right on the spot. I was, needless to say, very happy, and of course, immediately started worrying they'd take back the offer. They do a background check, since it's a security job, and I, as always, worried that my past arrest record would pop up. It never has, but I always worry. Then I worried that they'd talk to my past employers and I'd get a negative referral. I never have, and my last 2 employers both assured me they'd give me good references, but of course that's not good enough for my manic depressive brain. I'd always rather dwell on the insignificant negatives than the tremendous positives. *Sigh*
To people with bipolar, I recommend taking it slow. You can apply for jobs online nowadays, and it's a good place to start. It takes the stress out of at least one part of the job hunting process- you don't have to trek around filling out applications all over the place, but can do it from the safety of your own home. Then you can slowly go out for interviews and work yourself in that way.
Try not to worry too much. I know, that's like saying to a thirsty person, don't drink too much, but really, if you can only do one thing in your job search, don't worry. Something will come along. If I can do it, I know you can.
Posted by Susan at 1:24 PM
