Health Diaries > Bipolar Disorder > Handcuffed to the Roller Coaster

September 26, 2004

Cognitive Therapy and Bad Timing

A good friend of mine is coming to visit this week, and I'm totally miserable. He's a great person to have as a friend, at a very long distance (he lives in Nevada and I'm in Los Angeles), but when he comes to visit he's very draining. He's very high maintenance, and the worst thing is he thinks he loves me. I like him a lot, but as I can't fall in love with anyone who's not smarter than me, I can't fall in love with him. He's nice, but not smart. And he wears me out.

Imagine the worst possible person for a bipolar to have as a friend, and he's it. He has zero empathy for others emotions, probably because he doesn't understand his own. He's very tiring to be around, and he upsets my routines. It'll be hard just to get this diary in every day, and it's one thing I'm committed to. But I'll definitely be here.

My writing problem continues apace. It came to me today, that I'm in the same rut I always seem to get into about this time in my writing: I need to start sending things out, and I get afraid. Only this time, I realized what I was doing: What David Burns calls "All or Nothing Thinking". I think if one person turns down one story, it means all my other work, since the beginning of my career, is shit, and I'll never be any good as a writer.

Obviously, this is wrong. I've had 4 short stories published, one article, 2 electronic books, one print book, finished a course in Novel Writing with an "A" and a course in scriptwriting with a "B". I must have some sort of talent somewhere, for stats like that.

So I've decided it's time to sit down with my "Feeling Good Workbook" and give myself a booster shot of Cognitive Therapy. I can't do it this week, unfortunately, with my houseguest, since I need time and silence to do the work, but next week I will, and I'll keep you informed. If anyone out there's listening.

Posted by Susan on September 26, 2004 9:51 PM