Health Diaries > Bipolar Disorder > Handcuffed to the Roller Coaster
September 24, 2004
A little About Me
I'm 40 years old. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder at the age of 26, after I hospitalized myself for the first time. I never had insurance before then, so that was the first time I could go.
I knew something was wrong with me a long time before that. Thinking back now, I know I've been ill since I was 14, although I only put it into so many words when I was 16. When I was 16, I spent a lot of time alone, obsessively reading a book about disasters, with many graphic pictures of burned bodies and ruined buildings. I wrote stories about horses and isolated young girls, probably no different from many 16 year olds.
When I was 16, I was also very interested in theater. I was the stage manager for a play our drama class was putting on. This was the first time I ever cut myself. I was setting the stage for the opening night, and I dropped a tray of glasses, breaking many of them. I went outside and lay in the grass, and that was when I knew I was depressed. Then I went back inside and took the broken swizzle stick. I sat backstage and practiced digging the broken end of the stick into my wrist. I never told anyone about that.
Posted by Susan on September 24, 2004 1:06 AM
