April 27, 2005
Blowing Up
I just can't take it any more. I'm waiting for my liver to recover so I can get back on antibiotics. While I've been off antibiotics Lyme rage has been a huge part of my life. This week, my 23-month old is teething, he got a cold, I got the cold and I foolishly exposed myself to my evil sister. She's a nut case. And Mom is a nut case with her. Mom had agreed to watch N on Fridays. She actually did that for 3 weeks. Then my sister wanted to come and visit her and have Mom watch her kids while she got her hair cut. Evidently they don't have good haircutters where my sister lives (or good babysitters, or good housecleaners, or libraries that are clean enuf to check out books from, or employees who are good enuf etc.). My Mom doesn't seem to understand that it might be more important to support the me, the daughter who is ill and treats her well, instead of abondoning her commitment to me in order that the daughter who has literally spit in her face can get her fancy hair cut 2-1/2 hours from home. I am so pissed.
I'm also so tired of holding things together around the house. To be fair, I'm living off my husband's money and he is working in a terrible job however he passed up a really great job because he was too foolish to follow through and he imported a car from Europe for about twice as much as it's actually worth and it's been in the US in the importation process for 8 months. In the meantime, he drives my nice reliable Honda (coupe, too hard for me to get my son in and out of) and I drive the Volvo wagon that he bought even though it has been in an accident. The Volvo wagon has spent so much time in the shop. I never new a car could be that unreliable. So I drive my son for his nap in my Dad's old diesel and it was a hot day so I had the window down and I inhaled diesel and immediately after that got a sore throat. Metal pieces in the broken down seat poke me and threaten to rip my clothes. It shimmies so badly that it cannot be safely driven on the freeway. The speedometer doesn't work. I have the press the brake to the floor in order to get it to work. My husband really needs to grow up and make some good choices given our situation with me ill.
And I have spent years in therapy learning to be more calm and clear. And three weeks off antibiotics shows me that the vast majority of my "psychological" "psychiatric" issues have been due to undiagnosed Lyme! And that is probably why I'm having such a hard time of it right now. The f***ing spirochete that the AMA refuses to treat properly. If I had had a proper Lyme test in 2001 when the diagnosed me with MS, I wouldn't be going through this now.
And I feel so isolated. I can't get out with N because I don't have the energy. So I'm basically housebound. I have the few friends from before I moved in with my husband and, to be fair, a few more but I miss people contact - adult people.
Yesterday, N's first day back in daycare, I was sick so I tried to take it easy. I ended up starting the Social Security Disability process. How on earth do they expect me to tell them every doctor I've seen for this. They want dates, first appointment, last appointment, next appointment. It's insane. I didn't exactly take the day off, did I?
I'll have a psychiatrist appointment on Tuesday so that will help. And I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow. And hopefully the Lyme writer's group will start May 17th. I need that really badly. I think I'm going to have to skip doing the profile for the newsletter this two month period. It's due on May 15th and I haven't even checked my tape recorder to see if it's working so I can interview someone, let alone transcribe the tape and write the article. And plan a second birthday party for my son. I just hate it that he has to be affected by this.
And I'm so ready in my psyche to start my new career in writing however circumstances conspire to thwart me right now. I'm still holding fast to my dream of writing about every day heroes, about the triumphs that never make the news, about people growing through adversity so that many people can learn and be inspired by their stories. I'm winding down.
Time to go to bed :-( Tired.
Posted by LymeMom on April 27, 2005 8:08 PM
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Comments
Hi,
Your situation is difficult, but hang in there! How are your visits with your acupuncturist? Are you using herbs?
I got Lyme last year (in the santa monica mountains!) and have had great success treating it with chinese herbs. There are about 10 that work really well against Borrelia Bergorferi. The main one is Qing Hao, or artemesia annua. It is the premiere treatment today, even by western MD's, for malaria. There are many similarities between lyme and malaria.
There is an acupuncturist who is very well known who has success treating lyme in Portland, OR. His name is Subhuti Dharmananda. His advice has been very helpful.
My success has also come through diligent exercise and lots of supplementation. I take a ton of vitamins, fish oils, protein powders, and herbs for the liver. Even the chinese herbs are hard on the liver.
As for conventional MD's and antibiotics, I went that way when I first got it, I used doxycycline for a month. It helped with the symptoms but had so many side effects. I went off it because I thought the lyme was cured.
Now I think if I were to go back on antibiotics, I would use ceftin axetil. I had to educate myself to a very high degree. Joe Burrascano, MD, has a written a great deal on Lyme.
Stay strong! Remember that it is your responsibility to heal this, not the doctors. It is your body that will do the healing, not the drugs or even the herbs. The herbs just assist your body. You need to support your body in its healing, mentally, physically emotionally, and spiritually.
You can beat this. Remember that there are no incurable diseases, only incurable patients.
Best regards,
Luke
Posted by: Luke Terry at June 4, 2005 11:13 AM
I am sorry you are still having such a tough time! Hang in there!
I found a new blog site devoted to lyme, developed by a man who has lyme. Ck it out, he needs other lymie stories to share.
lymeblog.com
Posted by: Lizzie at June 20, 2005 4:49 PM
I hope things are going better for you these days. I have Hoshimotos and lyme as well. I also tested pos for HV-6. I did not have a bad response from the Valtrex like you did and I was on it for a month. I see you are somewhat close to where you live. I may have emailed you before but there is a wonderful DR in Los Altos Laura Greene who treats many lyme patients, maybe the same DR G you speak of. I hate the way lyme make me rage. I am working so hard at self control for my own sanity as well as my husband and sons! Hang in there please and feel free to email me
betneal@yahoo.com any time.
Posted by: Lizzie at July 25, 2005 10:23 PM