Main » Things that go with Lupus

January 30, 2006

Just call me Cleopatra-I am the queen of Denial :)

If you have read through my blog before, then you know there are times when I have accepted (sure) my lupus and other times when I have been shocked that it is here. Ever notice how your mind plays tricks on you? I had been feeling almost normal for a little while and that is not good for someone as prone to denial as I am.

I have a fever again and swollen joints and hurting, and headache and yadda yadda yadda. My husband looked at me and he said-I guess you really do have lupus. At first I was offended then I looked at him and started to cry and said yeah I guess so. I guess after a few months with no real problems other than going blind for a few days-I assumed maybe they were wrong and I was really alright. This sucks...........I have a life and I want to LIVE it. The worst part for me is the mind games I play with myself though. "Oh I am fine, just tired"-that is my favorite one apparently because I use it all the time. I wonder what other mind games we play with ourselves to just pretend to be normal? What is normal? I can feel I am getting depressed all over again as if I was just diagnosed-WHY? I have known for over a year now!! God Lisa-get over it-others have it a lot worse than I do!! Why can I not stop feeling sorry for me? I wish I could just blow it off and not dwell on it but it is so hard when you wake up feeling like you have been hit by a truck while you were sleeping and it does not get any better over the course of the day.

Last night I went to bed at 7-at 8:30 I woke up to my husband wiping me down with alcohol-my fever shot up again and I was too weak to even notice-but he had come to check on me and felt it-this is CRAZY! I just want my life back the way it was before lupus invaded!

Posted by Lisa at 1:56 AM | Comments (1)

April 22, 2005

fibromyalgia

I always thought fibromyalgia was basically a catch all when they did not know what to tell you was wrong but now I know better-be watching for more info on fibro as they have recently added it to the list of ailments that plaque me.

If anyone knows alot about fibro please leave me a comment and help me learn about this disease.

Thank you

Posted by Lisa at 9:44 AM