Main » September 2009

September 17, 2009

Confused

I do not know what to do. I need the painkillers to maintain a normal life, and yet I need to get off them because I am doing things that are not my character generally and I know that. There have been so many major stressors in my life lately and I have been taking way to many to numb emotional pain as well. I just do not want to live anymore. That is the way I feel 90% of the time now. I have been to depressed lately to even know what is right for me and what is not. No one even tries to understand especially my husband. he does not want to take any responsibliity for this even though I will not betray my family by posting what happened just take my word for it it is BAD and it is not that he had an affair with some strange woman it is way worse than that. My life and my mind are in such turmoil right now.........

Posted by Lisa at 7:31 AM

September 15, 2009

Narcotic addiction as a result

Hi :) it has been a LONG time since I have done an update. I am feeling ok most of the time lately but I have a BIG issue that I do not know how to resolve. I am taking this to the people who used to read this regularly in hopes that at some point you will see it and be able to understand what I am dealing with.

When I first started this blog about living with lupus I did not know how much it was really going to change my life. I have always been active and energetic and that changed, I have always been vain and that changed, I have always been optimistic and that has NOT changed fortunately. I have always said there were a few things lupus can not take away from me. My personality is one, my optimism is two and that fact that I am a raging liberal is the last one. LOL. I had posted an entry in 06 about painkillers. Now here I am in 09 addicted to perscription pain killers. My husband wants me to go to detox and I am scared. I need pain medication to get through the day, the reason I started taking so much is that it was not effective anymore having been on it for so long. I know I am an addict now also! I do not know what to do or how to handle it. Any suggestions would be fantastic. I feel like if I get off them totally I will not have any quality of life yet I feel like I am doing alot of harm to my body by taking as much as I take. There is no happy medium for me. I will update more later but wanted to stop and say HI and HELP me :)

Posted by Lisa at 10:46 AM