If we are caretakers and are used to that role in life, prior to disease, I think one of the ways to start processing problems is to do what comes naturally to us. We can't change who we are over night. So put someone else in your place, and ask what advice you would give them, as their caretaker.

If I were running a fever and had not slept, what would your advice be to me. Remove yourself entirely from the equation. Just be "my parent and caretaker" for a moment, Lisa.

Imagine putting your arms around me as if I were your child. What would you tell me to do, if I was running a fever and had not slept but wanted to go to school anyway, sick and all, and go to football practice afterwards, and come home to a lot of homework?

If you think as a caretaker, then use this to your advantage as you are not going to change your whole paradigm of life overnight, and need to be well enough to make some pretty big decisions as your journal reflects. But we need to start small sometimes.

The more you can imagine putting your arm around someone else, the sooner you can make the switch to standing beside yourself instead, and learning how to "parent" yourself. Imagine, if you were standing right beside yourself, and putting an arm around a woman who had worked 12 hours running a fever? What would you tell this woman whom you love? Do you see what I'm getting at? But, start with the small stuff. It takes practice to change your way of looking at life.

I know exactly where you are at. I've been there. It is not easy to become your own caretaker when you have been doing it for lots of others over the years. But you now do have to include yourself on that list, and as top priority. It isn't going to be easy. I was a very stubborn learner myself. And I won't tell you how long it took for me to make this mental switch, cause it is embarrassing. It's not that I didn't want to change. I didn't know how to change. But you are the only one who can change your own thinking patterns, and it isn't easy. But it sometimes becomes a choice we cannot evade any longer - especially when chronic disease enters the picture.

Changing patterns that we've been following for decades is a slow, but necessary, lifesaving step.

I hope that this comment is helpful. It is given with love and gratitude to a woman who has enriched all of our lives by sharing her health journal, her humor, and her love for the entire world on this very special webb page. Thank you for sharing with others who are coping with SLE and other similar, life altering, chronic diseases. You are a stong, brave woman.

Lisa-
I'm very sorry to hear that your husband treats you in such an unacceptable way. You do not deserve that. I am sure you are an absolutely beautiful person. A husband should be supporting you in everything you do...and loving you for who you are. I hate seeing women upset because their husband/boyfriend does not treat them right. Again, I am very sorry...all I have to offer is an ear and typing hands if you need them. =) I hope you have a good day today.