January 17, 2005
Moved away from my co-workers
I got moved to an office by myself today. This is so I can use a lamp instead of the fluroescent lights that do not bother anyone else but give me awful headaches and make me so very nauseas I think I am dying. It is only 15 degrees here right now anyway so every fiber of me hurts like HELL. I put in a call to my doctor to ask for something stronger for pain relief, I do not know if I have built up a tolernace to the lortab or what but it is not effective for me anymore. I do not know what she is going to want to do but what I am doing is not working for me. In case you want to know-what I am doing is crying-hoping the pain will come out my eyeballs-LOL, it hasn't worked so far though-better luck next time.
Anyway-my coworkers act like they are jealous because I am in an office by myself. Do they have any idea how lonely it is? I would not trade back now though for nothing-the difference in the way I feel in the lights and ut of the lights is like night and day. And it is so quiet in my new office that I love it. The longer this flare goes on the less my tolerance for any kind of noise is. So it is for the best that I am alone right now.
Still wish I knew what to do about disability. Part of me is afraid to give up working and the other part of me is afraid to continue. Pretty messed up but that is not too unusual for me.
I find it ironic-when I was a child all I ever wanted to be when I grew up as writer-I did not want to be a wife, mother, or owe anything to anyone but myself. I wanted to go to countries ravaged by the injustices of war and write and rage against the corruption of a goverment that would let the senseless slaughter of innocents continue, anyway fate and hormones intervened and I got pregnant, got married and gave up the dream of writing.
Now almost 17 years later, I am writing-it is for free and it is on health-but I am writing so maybe someday my dreams will come true?!
BBL-(Be back later) probaly tonite.
Posted by Lisa on January 17, 2005 10:16 AM