Main » June 2004

June 30, 2004

Howdy do

Our phone was out yesterday due to water in something it shouldn't be. We have gotten a lot of rain lately.

Today was bad in most ways. Not really feeling here, if you know what I mean. I had to do some stuff over at my grandma's house. Cleaned out a bunch of drawers in the kitchen. Had to wash a bunch of dishes. There cabinets are really low so now my upper back and neck and my sciatica are acting up and smarting.

Had a fight with my brother and he really hurt my feelings. He doesn't even care that he did. If it were just him and me I would of kicked him. He loves to make me feel less than dirt it seems.

Why do I let people make me feel so low? I wish I knew but I am sick of it, and sick of those certain folks.

Tomorrow is gonna be a busy day, have to mow my grandpa's HUGE yard and clean some on the basement I will be living in by the end of next week (my mom and I will have to switch back and forth.)

More "til later or tomorrow.

Posted by Mel at 5:26 PM

June 28, 2004

Well its been a while!

Forgot to do this the past few days. Been having some major "drama" going on around me!

We had to ask my grandpa about moving in with him. We're not doin it to freeload but it's going to be very soon that they cannot live by themselves. He took it OK I guess but he isn't the happiest of campers! He will get used to it though. More than like my mom and I will be both living there. Since she works full time i will do the menial stuff around there when she is working. I will most likey sleep in the basement most of the time. My mom will have to be down there when she has to work. At least that way I won't need to get rid of any of my stuff, right? It's a lot were both giving up but they have done a lot for us too so I don't mind really.

One of my "old" friends is being a real b!tch! She is out on the west coast. She used to live here and left a few things here at my house she wants me to ship. A few coats and her old prom dress. I say no way unless she sends the mola to do it. Otherwise the dress will be donated. I will hang on to the coats fo her because they were her grandma's.

All this crap is making me crazy with food. It sucks. I am just hoping after July things will get better for me. Less stress and all. I seem to eat everything in site lately. I need to find some control for myself but have no clue where to look for it.

Well I better shut up! Might post a bit more tonight!

Posted by Mel at 12:00 AM

June 18, 2004

Better today

Have some muscle pulls or something but I am feeling better today.

Still some family stuff has really gotten me down and pissed.

Not much up to writing right now but will check in with this later tonight.

Posted by Mel at 7:06 PM

June 17, 2004

Ewwww

I feel so nasty right now. Just so icky and gross feeling.

Got a new haircut and liked it at first, then washed it and I can't style it worth a crap. I wish for once I could do something good and right.

I'm guessing its just a bad night for me. Its almost 1 am and not even sleepy, tired but not sleepy. Guess I will retreat to my room to watch a movie pretty soon.

I do not feel welcome anywhere. Like a stranger no matter where I go. I take too many things to heart and let them much hurt me, but I can not change myself quickly with that. No doubt that I will keep it wrapped up nice and tight and not tell anyone.

I hate the night sometimes....I seem to let my guard down and these feelings rush up and overwhelm me.

Posted by Mel at 5:18 PM

June 16, 2004

Well hello

Well here is my first entry.

I am so sick and tired of food. You see junk food everywhere you go. Even to a freakin craft store. I go to get some beads and all that is at the checkout is candy this or candy that. Just sooo annoying!!!

I've struggled with this food thing for to danged long. Have dealt with it for 14+ years since I was a kid. I'm 23 now. I feel like a person probably does at the age of 50 or 60. Meaning I have the aches and pains they start to get. Scares the crap out of me of how I will be then, if I do survive to that age.

For me the food feeds the depression that then leads me to more depression if that makes any sense! HA!

Going to try to change my life starting now. I know I will fail at times but I will just have to accept that and move on with progress. Life isn't easy either...need to accept that.

Need to get off my butt.

Posted by Mel at 5:30 PM