Main » October 2004

October 30, 2004

Making plans

lol... Medicine is called 'Geneeskunde' at the Univ. of Stellenbosch in South Africa as well. I'm trying to get some info on doing internships there. Also I wanna know whether my Dutch MD diploma is valid in South Africa and if I'll be able to specialize there. Of course, I'll have to be better than my SA collegues because I have a foreign diploma and they're really into giving it all for the locals. I am a SA citizen, but still. I'm only in my first year, but a girl's gotta dream, right? I'm just really glad that I got in here. It's damn hard to get into med school in South Africa. Grades count hard, my grades were good but not that good and they don't really think about the fact that it's harder to get a 7.8 average than it is to get 78% average, and the fact that the Dutch standards are a little higher. I'll be a doctor at age 24. If I can specialize in South Africa I'll be only 3 years younger than others starting the same specialty. lol. Why do they have different degrees for surgery and regular medicine?

I'm starting over again with my diet stuff. I kind of screwed up but I did realize why. In therapy my alternative way of coping with stress was excercise. Quite convenient at the time, but it worked. I didn't get much excercise here so that's probably why I started bingeing again. Anyway I am making a nice plan. At the same time I am kind of focusing on other stuff I could do better: keep my place tidy, take good care of myself, do more excercise, work hard for school, (I actually am. Wow.) don't act like a stupid child who is only screaming for attention. I have those figured out, I just haven't made a diet plan yet. That's the most work. I just wanna become the woman I want to be. I know I keep on having 'fresh starts' all the time. This one is for real, starting on Monday, November 1st. Of course, the option of keeping on bingeing today and tomorrow is not very attractive so I am sort of starting today. Had some muesli with yoghurt and a bagel and my last Mars bar so far.I I don't know why i had to have a Mars bar. I find chocolate more or less dissapointing. A nice long shower with delicious shower soap is better than any food. The shower in my apartment sucks. I keep on getting cold water somewhere mid-shower. Most fruits beat chocolate. I will make a nice plan for me to stick to. I can do it.

Posted by Eldalote at 05:38 AM

October 10, 2004

Ok

So where were we? Oh, I remember, I wasn't really keeping this diary up to date. Oops. So basically I can be labeled eating disordered again. Or maybe just a person with disordered eating, there's a difference. It's not about thin above all, it's about having gained weight and not being too happy about that. Especially not the way I did it: bingeing like crazy and, yes, if i had the chance, purging it. The problem is just that it's so much easier to get it in than it is to get it out. So I kind of decided that it's not worth it unless I've eaten certain easy-to-purge foods. Yup, that's the sick mind of me. I'm more interested in restricting at this moment. It's more about control, which is strange because I am really in control. Of my life. I am the president of a sorority which I myself have started (together with others). I am doing the course I love most and I really love it. I am making new friends and having fun. But then why do I miss the lonely life I had when I lived back home? Those are not pleasant memories, but I suppose they're what I'm used to. Like all first year students miss home, I miss it as well even if it sucked.

Posted by Eldalote at 02:51 AM

October 05, 2004

Oops

I suppose I rather forgot about this whole diary thing!

Anyway, I am having rather trouble with my eating. Bingeing, purging and all and I have no idea where it comes from. Probably got something to do with college...

Posted by Eldalote at 07:56 AM