August 16, 2004
believe in me...
Why doesn't anyone believe in me? The people who I need support from the most don't seem to believe that I could actually turn out to be OK. The only people who actually told me they believed that I would be OK were my therapist and a teacher in highschool. (He told me I was gonna make it!) But the people who I need most to believe in me seem to believe that I'm gonna screw up and end in the psych ward of the very hospital where I study.
By the way: Kathy, if you read this: Thanks!!
I've been managing fine with the food stuff and it's actually getting easier and easier. I just keep reminding myself that it's just food and I need it to live. For some reason I have lost some weight over the last two weeks. But, after giving it some (way too much) thought and trying to eat more than I actually wanted I decided 'whatever'. I'm not gonna stuff myself not to lose weight because it'll only make me feel crappy. I eat when I'm hungry and stop when I'm full and after months of eating normally I guess my body's used to that. If I gain some weight: whatever. If I lose: whatever. It won't change me, will it? And I don't really think I'll ever become really fat.
Posted by Eldalote on August 16, 2004 01:37 PM
Hey-- I am sorry that it has taken me so long to get back to you, but I have been so busy lately. I really appreciated hearing from you. I have always known in the back of my mind that I am not the only person out there suffering from all of this, but it makes it even better to actually be able to talk to someone. I want to beat this more than anything. It gets in the way of every part of my life, it controls everything. I have been trying to eat normally... to plan out meals, eat smaller portions so that I don't feel guilty for eating, all of the things you would think would help, but somehow I always fall back in. I was doing SO well for a while, and now I am back at stage one. I used to be anorexic... then I started eating and now I am bulimic. It really is true when they say that bulimics are much unhappier. I'm trying all that I can... maybe I am doing something wrong. I am not even sure where to go anymore.
Posted by: babygoddess100 at August 28, 2004 01:22 PM