July 01, 2004

Fly away

Tomorrow I'll be leaving for almost a month in South Africa. With my dad. My mom and my sisters left just now. Everybody is totally stressed out about everything that needs to be done. Their stress gets me more than the actual stress about what needs to get done. I like to just get to it and do what I gotta do. And I am worrying about getting into medicine or at least getting the notification.

Yesterday I graduated from high school!! I got a diploma! I got a diploma! nananana. I was really happy about that and sad at the same time: I'll never go back to that school again and I'll never see those people again. All my 'friends' (most of them were my friend at some stage or another...) all the teachers. I don't ever have to ride those 5 kms again. Six years of high school are OVER. I was sad, even though I didn't have the greatest of times in high school. And I felt like a reall loser last night when i realized that I didn't have any friends to 'keep' from high school and that things didn't exactly go as I would have liked them to go. And I felt kind of bad that I didn't have any prizes or anything to brag about. On the other hand: what do you expect from someone who does not have a loving home to support her and who has been trying to recover from bulimia while being in her final year. Other people go to clinics for that.

Of course, I had a fight with my parents again last night after the graduation. They could not be happy for me for just a while, they didn't say ANYTHING about my diploma at all and they dragged me away from the school when they had finished talking. When we got home they had nothing else to say to me but nag on about 3 hairs I accidentally left on the bathroom floor ('go pick it up NOW!'), my room (it was a mess after I tried to find the right outfit) and sometinhg else.

I'm kind of uneasy about the food situation in South Africa. My mom's side of the family are, let's just say big eaters. And the foods are not the most healthy low fat and low sugar stuff I've ever seen. What if I gain a lot of weight from that? And what if they see it as kind of an insult if i don't eat lots and lots of the food? For the first time in my life I'm actually trying to listen to my body when it comes to eating. I have found that I do eat less than the rest of our family here. I eat less than I did last time i was there and my grandma did comment on me never being a 'big eater', even as a child. Though that grandmother is not very much impressed with the eating habits of my mother's side of the family and she meant it as in 'OK
'.
I weigh 5 kg more than I did the last time my grandma saw me. I feel so ashamed about that. Really I do. And we will be near Durban, on the beach for a while. That means bikini. I hope the cuts on my leg will have healed by then and I am not very comfortable about my fat ass in a bikini. Especially not in the prefectionistic SouthAfrica, where most white girls have learned to stay skinny. But the ocean will call me and that's more important to me. I'm addicted to the sea, can't stay out of the water for long...

Posted by Eldalote on July 1, 2004 03:14 AM