July 30, 2004

Back!!!

I am back from a lovely trip to South Africa. After all it's still home, if you know what I mean. It's something in the constant level of chaos, the dry air, family, speaking Afrikaans, people of all different colours around you, dry grass, driving on the left, and people actually being nice. I am not going to write a report on my holiday here, let's just say it had to do with touching a crocodile, the ocean, Johannesburg and the lovely town of Bela-Bela, and breaking the clutch of my grandma's car. Naturally, I don't have a driver's license. Instead I am going to write about food etc. here, that's why I'm here after all. Oh yeah before I forget: I got into med school.

This vacation has been a test for me. And I passed. Imagine being bulimic, recovered or not, and being fed 'bad' foods all day. Nothing but 'bad' foods. Seriously, at some stage all I could choose from to eat between meals were cookies and 'beskuit' and sweets. Or if I really wanted to I guess I could have eaten papaya. A whole papaya just for me, whoopee. I didn't really wanna eat a whole papaya. Meals would be 'braai' or white bread or something else in the not-so slimming category. We went out for dinner more often than I can remember. Not to mention the wide range of healthy beverages: soda, not diet (full of chemical shit) and full cream milk. I was really panicking about my weight, spent quite an amount of time staring into the mirror and feeling my belly and bones. And that food did not make me feel so great either. That's the reason I've decided to do some detox once I got back: 10 days no caffeine, sweets, cookies, 'toxic' foods in my books. Basically it means eating really heatlhy stuff: muesli, brown bread, salads, milk, rooibos-,chamomile and green tea, rice, etc (my balanced meals) and lots of fruit. The tough part will be no caffeine but whatever. Don't worry. I am not trying to lose weight or using it as a coping mechanism for anything. I take pride in eating right. Now.

The weirdest thing is: I've been eating way over 2000 calories a day and I have lost almost 3kg. I don't get it, I really don't. Which is why I'm not trying to lose weight. Actually I'm afraid I will lose weight but I don't wanna because people may get worried again and I don't want them to be. I am fine. Though, I would still like to be thinner. I always will. Hmmm but then my pants won't fit and my D cup will be out of proportion...
Actually that D-cup of mine is a whole different story. Over the past couple of months I grew another inch or so, after being stuck at the same height for (what a 'coincidence') 3.5 years. My boobs had to follow, of course and I am not very happy about that. I do not want this. Really. Tops won't fit, bra's won't fit and shortly I hate my boobs. It reminds me of the mommy-type girls, and I never even want kids. What's worse: nobody else in my family has a body that even resembles mine. So they're just maybe a little jealous of my boobs.

I think I'll write more tomorrow or so....

Posted by Eldalote on July 30, 2004 01:28 AM