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December 24, 2004
Long time, no write...
Wow, it has been so long since I wrote an entry in here. School has been so stressful, and on top of that I was really sick for about a month... I was out of school and everything. I had to go to the emergency room twice... and I just felt like I was dying. They never even figured out what it was, but as of now, I am better. As far as my bulimia goes... I'm trying. I am still working on it. It's a struggle every day, but I can definitely say that I have been doing a lot better than I was a few months ago. I am able to go a few days without any b/ping which is just awesome for me. I find that I am so much happier. The b/ping only brings a temporary happiness and then I just get down again. On days when I don't b/p, I am more likely to get up and shower and go out to do stuff. On days when I do b/p, I don't go out. I stay home because I feel fat and worthless. I have been able to identify some of the reasons that I b/p, and now I need to figure out ways to avoid those situations and feelings. I really hope I can beat this by the time I go into college because it'd be so hard to deal with when I am living with other people in an apartment or wherever. I am going to get an HIV test on January 3rd because I am really worried about it. I was raped last spring break, and with getting sick and just some other symptoms I've had, I think it's better to be safe than sorry. We're celebrating family Christmas today and I am worried about the whole food situation. We're only celebrating at my dad's today. Tomorrow I leave for Arizona with my mom, brother, and sister... so that's definitely going to be hard as far as b/ping goes. I will have no opportunity to because I will be with them in a hotel all the time... that's good though. Maybe that will help me fight it even more. I just hope it goes that way instead of just making me really frustrated. Only time will tell... Well, I still need to wrap some gifts, but I hope that every has a very merry Christmas! Take care :) Love, Ashley
Posted by babygoddess100 at December 24, 2004 09:52 AM