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July 19, 2004
Not going so well...
Well, I am sorry that it has taken so long for me to write again, but a lot has been going on around my house. We are putting it up for sale, so we are getting all new carpeting in the upstairs. Therefore, we have to finish painting the whole upstairs first. You would think that all of this work and then going out at night would keep me from b/ping, but it doesn't. I always find the time to, and I can't stand it. I am trying so hard not to. Actually, I did really well yesterday, so that made me happy. I did well the day before that too, but besides that, it is just the same old thing. I got some tips online on how to keep my mind off of it or try to avoid doing it, but it never seems to work. Probably because I have been in this unending cycle for so long now. My body is really starting to break down from it. I am so tired all the time, whether I sleep for 3 hours or 15 hours. I have a really irregular heartbeat. Sometimes it beats really quickly and other times it hardly feels like it is beating. I feel really sick and exhausted. My mood is absolutely terrible... up and down all day long. My hands shake a lot, and about 5 nights ago, I felt like I was going to collapse. My whole body was shaking... not violently but shaking nonetheless. I'm not really sure what to do anymore, but I am sure that I am breaking down... both physically and emotionally... I wonder if I will ever beat this... if not, it will definitely beat me.
Posted by babygoddess100 at July 19, 2004 01:29 PM
Comments
Heyyes you can beat it. I did and I know: you feel like crap. Just remember: it won't happen in one go, it's a learning process mainly. You'll have to figure out why you do it, what else you can do, what works, what doesn't work etc. So maybe now you're b/ping becvause of the stress of moving or I don't know what. What other ways are there to cope? The only way you can recover is if you dig out all the crap and deal with it. But it's worth it.
Posted by: Eldalote at July 30, 2004 03:48 AM