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July 23, 2004

A little better...

I have been doing better! I hope that it keeps going like this, but I always seem to fall back into it... I get these negative thoughts in my head that tell me that I won't ever beat it, and that is a huge problem. I need to tell myself that I can instead of doing the opposite. Last night I went to a club with a friend of mine and we had a blast. That isn't common for me since I usually don't even want to go out at all. I am glad that I decided to. I think I drank too much though, but hey, at least we met a lot of guys. I am trying to eat normal amounts so that I don't want to purge, but it seems like whenever I eat one thing, I am bound to eat at least 10 other things... and they aren't little things. They are a lot... huge amounts with tons of calories... I just need to start eating normally... it's not even about the food though. It's the emotions behind it. I can stuff down my feelings by eating, but I don't want to gain weight... so I purge. It's a terrible, unending thing and I need to get rid of this. I have a feeling it is something that is hard to conquer on your own, but there is no chance of me telling people... I am taking it day by day.

Posted by babygoddess100 at July 23, 2004 03:46 PM

Comments

I can relate to what you say, I'm going through the same feelings at the moment. I used to be anorexic and as I started to eat more I sort of got bulimic tendencies although i don't often purge and don't really binge (i used to)I find it hard to sleep. I still think of food all the time and have a bad fear of being overweight. I couldn't be over 8 stone for a long time and I'm a bloke!!! At least you're facing up to what you have, its easy to just give in and live in this way. People suffer from this for over 10 years, they often just withdraw into their homes, trust me the biggest mistake is to withdraw yourself from those who can help you. Staying at home is the worst thing you can do. Get out and be yourself. I find an excercise regime (not too strenuous!!) works for me-it makes me feel less guilty about eating. Just being with friends instead being down at home also helps, they distract you, you distract yourself by being with them and thinking about them instead of the disorder. Try self-help: Peter J Cooper-Bulima Nervosa and binge eating, a self-help guide....buy this book especially if you dont want to tell anyone (try amazon or the self-help section in your local bookshop). Also Start an eating plan try and plan meals and times in advance and write down everything you eat in a notebook. I just started this earlier in the week and it's working well. According to the book after a period of normal eating your body readjusts and I'm certainly looking forward to that. In my opinion, Binge-eating is like a trance. Its caused by negative thought and food obsession. You don't think when you eat, you're like a robot, then you return to normal feel guilty and you beat yourself up by thinking negative thoughts about yourself, then you start to think of food and eating, then you eat (binge) and finally you feel guilty and don't eat for ages. It's just a cycle of thought thats easy to fall into so just stay strong and try to notice the difference between disordered behaviour and the real you. This is the stage im at, I still give in to it but like you i gotta take it a day at a time, so good luck... and at least talk to one person about it like a doctor or a an eating disorder specialist, I did and it felt like such a weight off of my shoulders, trust me things are so much easier when someone helps you.

Posted by: Billy D at July 25, 2004 07:22 AM


DATE: 7/30/2004 04:04:23 AM
you say you're too scared to go see someone. I could maybe help you, I've been through this all and I could help you, at least listen to you. If you're interested, just comment something on my diary (choosing life) and i'll somehow give you my email adress.

Posted by: Eldalote at January 18, 2005 12:16 AM