March 21, 2005

For me, overcoming anorexia is going ok....but a little slow. I am working with my therapist at accepting my body as I slowly add pounds to my weight. I have slowly gained just 4 lbs since Christmas and I have trouble dealing with it at times. My size 2 pants no longer fit and that bugs me. But, on the other hand, I am eating more and enjoying it. Go figure!!!

In my sessions with my therapist we work at thigs like doing the acceptance thing and loving myself. Even the Bible tells me to love my neighbor as myself, so I must surely be able to love myself. It is just going to take me a while getting there. Some days I do pretty good at it and other days have turned out just plain old depressing.

I'm glad to be working on these issues though. The one thing I DON'T want to do is to stay anorectic for all of my life. The mental illness stole much happiness and enjoyment from me for the first half of my life and I do NOT intend on letting this happen for the rest of my life!

Posted by Kathy at 10:06 AM

March 2, 2005

My eating is still a work in progress. I am finding many things that I can now connect that give me useful information as to the how's and why's I've had an eating disorder for so long a time. It's a daily thing and I feel I am gaining valuable ground with each passing day. It's exciting!!!

I've found out that there were things that happened in my very early childhood that most likelly started the formation of an eating disorder in me. That's long before I previously thought it got going. But new information has shed light on certain things and my therapist thinks that my eating disorder began as early as infancy. Strange.....but useful to know!

Posted by Kathy at 9:51 AM

February 12, 2005

I have been working hard and not letting my eating disorder consume me. Just recently I found out that my therapist battled bulimia during her teen years up through her early 20's. She has given me a few ideas of things to work on.

One thing I have been doing is to sit for one hour after eating a meal. This has been difficult for me to do as I am used to getting out and burning off the calories I just ate. My T wanter me to get used to what it felt like to feel "full" and not have it be a horrible ecperience. My burning off calories was counterproductive to me and was just another method of purging. I have been faithful in sitting for that hour. It hasn't always been easy....but I am determined to not let this eating disorder consume anymore of my life than it already has.

Another thing I'm doing is to eat when I am hungry. This too has been difficult. I am accustomed to waiting many hours before finally eating. It's nice to walk around not feeling starved half to death...but I also have to recognize that I will put on weight by doing this. I don't care so much about the weight. As long as I stick with my daily Pilates workout I think I can manage.

Something I just found out is that most people with eating disorders also have something called Body Dysmorphic Disorder. That is when you cannot see yourself as other see you .....which is part of the reason I always look "fat" or just right to me....when other see me as very thin. To combat this I do my Pilates workout and try to accept my body as it is. Through the stretching exercises I can come to own my body instead of letting a mental illness own me.

Posted by Kathy at 12:59 PM

October 7, 2004

It's been quite a while sine I have posted in this journal. I haven't been doing badly or anything like that...just have ben extremely busy. My new job is ging well but I find that I need to eat more. I burn off more calories that iused to I guess.

Eating hasn't been a problem for me lately and I've backed off my exercise routine to just every other day. This seems to be workng out for me lately.

Posted by Kathy at 1:29 AM

August 27, 2004

I've been feeling tired, lethargic and overwhelmed with things lately. Signs of mild depression I guess. I will talk to my T about it tomorrow. My appetite has been decent and I've not lost a bunch of weight so that is good!

Posted by Kathy at 9:40 AM